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Thursday Mornin Dawg Bites Fries the Whole Bird

Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Rise. It is Time to Hate The Gamecocks.

Syndication: Online Athens Joshua L. Jones via Imagn Content Services, LLC

If you’re reading this, my dawg-rabid-friend, you’ve done it. Congrats. You’ve made it through to the downhill slide of the work week. I understand that right now, you might be tiredly sitting down at your overcrowded desk, or scrolling in your post-grad, mattress on the floor, or maybe stuck in carpool lane hell, or even pretending to not hear your wife trying to rush you out of your moment of toilet scrolling solitude, but regardless, know that even though you have two more work days until in the weekend, you’ve actually made it to Friday. Cause in the fall in God’s country, Saturday is Sunday, so Friday is basically Saturday which means Thursday is really Friday anyway. So congrats. You’ve made it to Friday (eve) in the Fall. You can do this. Let’s Hunker Down For One More Day.

And you will need to hunker- because our beloved Dawgs are having to endure the absolute porta-john of a college town that is none other than Columbia, South Carolina.

To you brave brethren who are going to support our boys behind these rather unfortunate enemy lines- I give my earnest gratitude for your work, as I myself have solemnly vowed to never return under my free will. Once, was truly one time too many. It is, in my opinion, simply the worst SEC stadium. (And this is coming from a girl who once drove 24 hrs round trip to the other underachieving Columbia in 2012 for its UGA welcome wagon weekend to the SEC).

But if you are packing up the yeti this morning and have never made a road trip to the mosquito-filled haven, I hope I don’t damper your spirits with that truth. Although you should not be dismayed, as I feel confident that the assured non-Peta, un-free range slaughter happenings on the field will overcome its austere setting, you should know that William Brice Stadium is in fact, well- a hell hole.

To help paint a picture, I offer you this: Imagine a large concrete structure, seemingly dropped in the middle of an abandoned industrial park a prison system probably didn’t want, surrounded by the deep armpit of a humid coastal state, with the aesthetic of a 1985s USSR missile site, smelling faintly of garbage, Copehagen Black, and the dying carcass of the hope that USCjr will ever become more than a middling SEC team whose championship is the moral victory of losing to a barely ranked Clemson team by less than 40 points.

A place that quite literally beats you over the head with its failures. A place that feels even more toxic than a Spencer Rattler locker room. A place where great American institutions like Sandstorm, inappropriate mascot innuendos, and the understanding that SEC teams don’t lose to 9-4 FCS teams at home, all go to die a bi-weekly death to the sound of a never-ending rooster call

So yeah....I hope you traveling dawgs have a really great trip!!

Of course, despite its setting, I feel confident you will. Not just because Dawg Nation travels in both numbers and revelry that is unmatched, but also because I feel that Bulldogs will not encounter the potential traps of what can be an away-game, Saturday Night Nooner in SEC country. I do understand that you might feel some apprehension, as 2019 feels still a tad too close in relative scarred memory to completely forget-no matter the historic events that have happened since.

If you do have that creeping slight, “yeah but what-if” of a groggy, slow, shocking upset thought- I get it. But you should absolutely ignore it. Even if we aren’t quite used to this new feeling- we need to get used to it. Embrace it. We don’t have to secretly wring our hands every time we SEC travel.

Although our beloved Larry would not approve, ignore that scarred voice inside your head from the past about UGA letdown games, first road SEC game, or whatever narrative people are drumming up about looking past or under or whatever angle is necessary to smoke out a hint of an upset.

Because we aren’t that flukey team.

We aren’t in that era anymore.

We won a natty last year and then we walked out this year without missing a step.

Yes, Will Muschamp is still a nightmare for the Gamecock faithful. But other than that, it’s a new day in our world. So stop being chicken and starting feasting on them.

Sure, I could commiserate about how our offense looked a little prodding at times against our Samford nap. Or point out that this defense did let Oregon get some quick yardage in their national humbling two weeks ago. And okay sure, it could be that this week might be less Pacific Northwest boat race and more slow southern BBQ chicken roasting that ends up with us looking up in the 4th quarter to the 42 points we beat out of them like dirt from a dusty rug in Mama June’s Cockaboose. okay, fine.

But still. I am not going to waste y’all’s time with x and os or injury lists or QB talk. I understand that there is plenty to dissect and that anything could happen. But it is my end of the week too and your butt is going numb from your toilet scrolling anyway, so I will keep it simple:

We are really good. The Gamecocks are not.

Sometimes, it’s as simple as the fact as the five stars we have running out of that tunnel. Shane can change his tune all he wants- but one year later isn’t changing that truth he so eloquently explained just a year ago.

So my friends- welcome to (basically) Friday in the fall: take Georgia to cover at -24.5, hold your nose in the Brice Bowl’s upper deck, and lets fry the whole damn bird- just to be sure. Go Dawgs.