Day one is in the books and, alas, the assembled media asked a lot of hard-hitting questions.
But not the hardest hitting of questions. So once again, I’m back with a short cheat sheet of Nakobe Dean-level quick hitters sure to keep today’s victims, er, I mean guests on their toes.
* Coach Saban, when Kelee Ringo went up for that interception and was streaking down the sideline who were you fantasizing about murdering, and with what weapon? Kirby in the press room with a jagged Coke bottle? Scott Cochran in the weight room with a kettle bell? Quayvo in the Rover with the champagne bucket?
* Coach Beamer, how nervous does it make you to share a state with Dabo Swinney? Are you concerned that whatever his deal is may rub off on you? Have you considered an early warning system, like trail cameras or tin cans with pebbles in them tied to the trees outside your window?
* Commodore Leach, if you could sail with the Lioness of Brittany or Olivier Lavasseur, who would be your pirate master? Also, if you could just talk for about twenty minutes uninterrupted about that keel hauling of Auburn from last season, including the look on Bryan Harsin’s face at the end, that would be fantastic.
* Coach Lea, is there any truth to the rumor that you spent the summer running a peddle tavern to supplement the Vanderbilt football budget like it was a rowdy adults-only lemonade stand?
* Coach Saban, exactly how far do you think you’ll have to move from the state of Alabama when you retire to prevent crazy Gumps from showing up at your door and begging you to come back? Because I just don’t think West Virginia is gonna cut it as long as there’s still an airport in Birmingham.
As always, your suggestions are more welcome in the comments than a three star linebacker shunning a UConn offer is at Vanderbilt.