Chemically Induced Punditry

One of the guiltiest of pleasures is reading the message bases of the fans who just lost to your team. While the serotonin hit is mildly addictive the testosterone boost is pure mainline heroin. One of the tastiest laments that have been offered up in these modern day opium dens has been that injuries to their best receivers is why they lost. (Yum, yum!) Proof that ‘Bama really is the National Champion and the ‘Dawgs are lowly thieving pretenders. (Lip smacking slurrrp!) The real difference in the game was that our freshmen caught two touchdowns and a pick six while THEIR freshmen dropped multiple touchdowns. Why should this be? Because we lost a boat raft full of offensive players in the off season and early season. OUR Freshmen benefited from these bitter and costly injuries. Meanwhile, THEIR freshmen had to sit on the bench and knash their teeth while the upperclassmen gobbled up all the playing time. They consoled themselves with I’ll-advised oversharing to social media instead of more focus on their practices and development. When their team needed them, they couldn’t perform — the football equivalent of ED. Call it FD. It seems perverse to be thankful for all our injuries, but then I am an amoral surfer of opposing fan message boards in lieu of paying for my testosterone at GNC. I believe I will now go back and re-read the National Championship Game Thread from last night at Gators247 and then ravish my wife.

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