The SEC In A Sentence: Week One

Welcome to The SEC in a Sentence, in which I attempt to capture how every SEC football team’s week went in, well, a single sentence.

Alabama: Some people wake up and choose violence, but like a kid getting ready for the first day of school the Tide picked out their violence in June.

Arkansas: Sam Pittman should know enough about buffets to understand that filling up on Rice first is a dangerous strategy.

Auburn: Akron ain’t Alabama, or even Arkansas.

Florida: Maybe Dan Mullen should just pick whichever quarterback he worked with the most and then play the other guy.

Georgia: Look, if Ladd McConkey can go for 7 catches and 100 yards a game we’re in great shape offensively.

Kentucky: Eating banana peels beats the heck out of slipping on them.

LSU: Da Coach O need ta check on da buyout language.

Ole Miss: There’s a better than 50/50 chance Lane Kiffin watched that game from a pool float and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Mississippi State: Look, Louisiana Tech is a better football team than you may realize.

Missouri: Snatching a ten point win from Central Michigan in the closing minutes was a very midwestern nice way to play week one.

South Carolina: Zeb Noland has to face the defenses of both Georgia and Clemson this season and there’s no way that ends badly.

Tennessee: Tennessee is pretty bad but lucky for them Bowling Green is much, much worse.

Texas A&M: One day we’ll know what kind of football team Jimbo has, but Saturday wasn’t it.

Vanderbilt: So is Clark Lea going to take the numbers back now?

Go ‘Dawgs!!!