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The SEC in a Sentence

NCAA Football: Mississippi State at Memphis Justin Ford-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to The SEC in a Sentence, in which I foolishly endeavor to capture how every SEC football team’s week went using only a single, snarky sentence.

Alabama: The Tide perennially manage to make Florida look better than they actually are, which makes sense given Coach Saban’s obsession with consistency.

Arkansas: “SEC West contender Arkansas remained undefeated after easily dispatching Georgia Southern” he wrote, still not sure how in the heck we got here.

Auburn: Friends, you’re not going to believe this, but Mike Bobo called a brilliant football game marred by one head-scratching decision on the goal line.

Florida: The Gators played the best football game they’ll put together all season, but don’t tell their fans because what happens next is hilarious.

Georgia: The ‘Dawgs played the perfect game: beating South Carolina well enough to convince outside observers they’re a terror but making enough mistakes for Kirby to curse under his breath when watching the film.

Kentucky: The Wildcats being 3-0 and dead last (-6) in the country in turnover margin is the most “not Tennessee, but also not quite Ohio” stuff imaginable.

LSU: It could be a lot worse at this point than 2-1, and with Auburn, Florida, Ole Miss, Alabama and Texas A&M left on the slate, it will be.

Ole Miss: In retrospect, giving Lane Kiffin a perfect excuse to be petty as heck was a poor decision.

Mississippi State: As noted previously, at the end of the year a pretty good football team is going to finish seventh in the SEC West and it’s probably going to be the Bizarro ‘Dawgs.

Missouri: I learned less from watching Mizzou blow out Southeast Missouri State than I did in freshman French.

South Carolina:

I instantly regret this decision!

Tennessee: Ate a cupcake this week, which I’m assuming was made with lard because Tennessee.

Texas A&M: I trust this team like a TV preacher selling reverse mortgages paid out in Dogecoin.

Vanderbilt: “You ain’t never seen a set on a ‘Dawg like this one’s got, Clark.”

Go ‘Dawgs!!!