Welcome to The SEC in a Sentence, in which I foolishly endeavor to capture how every SEC football team’s week went using only a single, snarky sentence.
Alabama: The Tide perennially manage to make Florida look better than they actually are, which makes sense given Coach Saban’s obsession with consistency.
Arkansas: “SEC West contender Arkansas remained undefeated after easily dispatching Georgia Southern” he wrote, still not sure how in the heck we got here.
Auburn: Friends, you’re not going to believe this, but Mike Bobo called a brilliant football game marred by one head-scratching decision on the goal line.
Florida: The Gators played the best football game they’ll put together all season, but don’t tell their fans because what happens next is hilarious.
Georgia: The ‘Dawgs played the perfect game: beating South Carolina well enough to convince outside observers they’re a terror but making enough mistakes for Kirby to curse under his breath when watching the film.
Kentucky: The Wildcats being 3-0 and dead last (-6) in the country in turnover margin is the most “not Tennessee, but also not quite Ohio” stuff imaginable.
LSU: It could be a lot worse at this point than 2-1, and with Auburn, Florida, Ole Miss, Alabama and Texas A&M left on the slate, it will be.
Ole Miss: In retrospect, giving Lane Kiffin a perfect excuse to be petty as heck was a poor decision.
Tulane football's helmets for Saturday's matchup against Ole Miss will feature an SEC sticker as a nod to the program's three SEC championships in 1934, 1939 and 1949. https://t.co/YnwpgNJZvD— The Daily Advertiser (@theadvertiser) September 15, 2021
Mississippi State: As noted previously, at the end of the year a pretty good football team is going to finish seventh in the SEC West and it’s probably going to be the Bizarro ‘Dawgs.
Missouri: I learned less from watching Mizzou blow out Southeast Missouri State than I did in freshman French.
Tennessee: Ate a cupcake this week, which I’m assuming was made with lard because Tennessee.
Texas A&M: I trust this team like a TV preacher selling reverse mortgages paid out in Dogecoin.
Vanderbilt: “You ain’t never seen a set on a ‘Dawg like this one’s got, Clark.”