... And That’s When I Knew It’s Never Too Early To Start Hating Clemson

In the depths of winter, in the midst of a historically frigid Polar Vortex seven-and-a-half months from Georgia’s next football game, I found there was within me an eternal summer.

That white hot burning flame in my heart exists in the form of hatred for Clemson University. I was reminded of it this week when scrolling my Twitter timeline.

You see, Clemson students have a history of showing their asses on the University of Georgia’s campus. It was only two years ago when a Clemson student drew swastika’s on over a dozen doors in Russell Hall. Clemson being Auburn with a lake, one could understand why Clemson students would want to travel the 75 miles down to Athens, a town that actually has nightlife.

By showing up on my timeline this week, the above tweet made me ask myself an important question. How early is too early to start hating Clemson? Let’s investigate.

First of all, perhaps it’s no coincidence that a Clemson student sucker punched a UGA student this week. Like all good blood feuds, there’s some family history here. As many of you know, Clemson and Georgia used to play every year. At the time, the series was as full of disdain as any in UGA history. It reached its nadir in the late-70’s and early-80’s, as both programs were on the rise. Georgia won the National Championship in 1980. A year later, Clemson won a title of their own.

Needless to say, the tensions ran high between the fanbases. It was a must see game, so my Dad and his roommate took a trip over to Clemson to watch it in person. This story has been told in my presence dozens of times, but I’m not sure what year it was. What’s importan it that the underdog Bulldogs pulled an upset that day, and the home faithful were none too pleased. Sensing the tension, my Dad and his buddy tried to quietly slip out of the stadium.

That’s when they crossed paths with an enraged and likely intoxicated Clemson fan in orange overalls. You can tell by his attire that he probably had very little to live for aside from Clemson football, and naturally he took this particular loss hard. He was a Clemson fan, so we can safely assume his IQ was low. Low IQ’s lead to poor emotional regulation and coping skills, so you probably know what’s coming next. This full-grown adult decided to sucker punch a couple of kids because they were wearing Georgia hats.

Onlookers yelled, and when the cops arrived our overalled donning antagonist attempted to claim he was the one who was attacked. Fortunately, some elderly folks were standing by and gave the cops the real story. The Clemson fan ended up where anyone whoever wears orange overalls belongs- jail. You see, Clemson fans have been insufferable and horrible for decades.

That being said, they have been much more hatable recently. Going undefeated in a historically awful Power 5 conference every season has made them see themselves in a delusional light. Take for instance the article recently written by a Clemson “journalist.” He predicts Clemson will beat Georgia in a blowout to open the season in Charlotte, and suggests that Bulldog fans should start coming up with excuses now. Another writer followed that article up by writing about how he’s shocked that some UGA fans think Georgia will win against the Tigers in Charlotte.

“Yup, let’s just skip over the fact that we just lost the best player in program history in Trevor Lawerence. Let’s also skip over the fact that we lost the best running-back in ACC history, and our #1 wide-receiver. Let’s ignore that we got dominated in the trenches by Ohio State, and then watched them get dominated in the trenches by Alabama. While we’re at it, let’s ignore that fact that Georgia returns more receiving production than anyone in college football. Let’s also forget that UGA’s quarterback threw for 400 yards on the statistically best defense in college football in the bowl game, and he did it on one leg. Let’s also ignore that he is about to have a full off-season to get in a groove with his skill players. While we’re here, pay no attention to the loads of blue-chip talent that Georgia will roll out in waves on defense. Okay, now that we’ve done that, TIGERS BY 30 BABY HELL YEAH!!!” - Clemson fans

The reality of things is that Clemson is the benefactor of playing in a historically bad Power 5 football league. They can rest their starters at the half during almost all of their league games, and their players stay healthy while teams in other leagues beat each other up by the time the CFP rolls around. Unfortunately for the Tigers, they have to play Georgia in week one.

Oh, while we’re talking about the fast recovery time of Clemson football players let’s not forget the steroids. Yeah, the school suspiciously had three players test positive for Ostarine before the CFP Title Game a few years back.

That brings us to Joel Ostarine himself, Dabo Swinney.

First of all, let us be clear here. We have no problem with God, religion, proclaiming one’s faith or anything of the like. What we do have a problem with is one of college football’s highest paid coaches projecting a persecution complex while doing interviews like a clown on adderall mixed with a televangelist who has a fleet of private jets. I can’t watch this guy talk without reflexively reaching for my wallet to make sure it’s still there.

This guy is the largest walking contradiction in college football. He talks about how he loves his players and wants the best for them, but when asked about those same players ever seeing a dime from the full-time job that is college football, he once said, “I’ll go do something else, because there’s enough entitlement in this world as it is.”

Dabo Swinney has a 93 million dollar contract.

Swinney is so tone deaf that he wore a “Football Matters” t-shirt when the country was in the midst of the George Floyd protests. When asked about the racially charged issues that dominated America in 2020 and undoubtedly effect the day-to-day experiences of many of his players, Swinney basically blamed hate on the fact we live in a “sinful fallen world.” He also suggested that America can’t be racist “because it elected a Black president twice.”

He threw a fit when Florida State officials refused to play a game against his team when they learned that Clemson had allowed a player who was symptomatic, and later tested positive for Covid-19, to travel with the team.

He talks about a new-age, fun-loving program that does things differently while living his life as an ill-informed hypocrite. We try not to swear here, but it would be an outright misrepresentation to call Dabo Swinney anything other than the biggest piece of shit in college football. Clemson fans shower him with love and adulation, all while living in a state of blissful ignorance of what life with a respectable strength of schedule looks like.

I read the tweet that started this article. Then I thought about all of these things...

...And that’s when I knew it’s never too early to start hating Clemson.