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The SEC in a Sentence says goodbye to our hero

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Samford v Florida
When you walk around your home stadium and the fans just ignore you, it’s probably time to reserve a UHaul.
Photo by James Gilbert/Getty Images

Welcome to the SEC in a Sentence, in which I dice and season the root vegetables of a full week of SEC football and roast them all together into one delicious side to distract you from Uncle Pete’s awful dry turkey. Enjoy.

Alabama: Better than everybody in the SEC West, albeit not by quite as large a margin as Tide fans are accustomed to.

Arkansas: We tweeted this halfway through the first quarter but could have just as easily done so at any point up to the middle of the fourth quarter.

Auburn: In my mind this season will go down in history as “the year Auburn Jesus took a sabbatical, then Bryan Harsin decided to join him.”

Florida: One of the lesser known recent amendments to the SEC bylaws is that if Eli Drinkwitz of all people can justifiably dunk on your coach, you have to fire him immediately.

Georgia: I don’t need a sentence here, but I would like to pass along a modest proposal.

Kentucky: I’m sorry it’s basketball season now, you were saying?

LSU: If LSU beats Texas A&M on Saturday they’ll be bowl eligible with a coach who’s been a lame duck for a month, and that might not be the funniest thing imaginable but it’s solidly top ten.

Mississippi State: A matchup of top 25 teams in the Egg Bowl in front of a national television audience is the sort of thing Mike Leach dreams.....oh who am I kidding he’s gotten his seven wins on the season he’s good.

Missouri: Fun fact: Eli Drinkwitz doesn’t have a middle name, but if he did it would be “Gangsta.”

Ole Miss: For the moment Lane is living in the sweet spot, where you can win 31-17 over Vanderbilt and no one gets too upset as long as the Tailgate was a success.

South Carolina: Congratulations to Shane Beamer for getting closer to South Carolina’s inevitable 7-5 ceiling quicker than anyone expected.

Tennessee: All I want for Christmas is a webcam of that dumb rock in Knoxville when Josh Heupel leaves to take the Oklahoma job.

Texas A&M: The good news for the Aggies is that they’re a win over struggling LSU away from 9-3, which is obviously what you pay Jimbo for.

Vanderbilt: “2 and 10” is fine with Vandy grads as a hedge fund management fee structure, less so as a football record.