This is The SEC In A Sentence, in which I stuff a full weekend of SEC football into a single succulent sentence, deep fry it in the garage, and try not to set the whole house on fire. Let’s dig in.
Alabama: There’s a member of the College Football Playoff Committee who saw the Tide’s 59-3 throttling of New Mexico State and dropped Cincinnati to 23rd in his rankings.
Arkansas: Why did Sam Pittman win a close game against LSU? To show Dan Mullen that it could be done.
Auburn: The Falcons walked up 28-3 so that Auburn could run up 28-3, which is fine since the campus bookstore only stocks round-ended scissors.
AUBURN HAS BLOWN THE 28-3 LEAD!!! MISSISSIPPI STATE LEAD!!! WE HAVE HIT THE SICKOS JACKPOT TODAY!!! YES HAHAHA YES!!! pic.twitter.com/I8omGYtF4S— Sickos Committee (@SickosCommittee) November 13, 2021
Florida fans standing up at the beginning of the 4th quarter for “I Won’t Back Down.” pic.twitter.com/WIiKYvaFHb— Didn’t Blow A 28-3 Lead Over Mike Leach (@dawgsports) November 13, 2021
Tennessee defense getting finessed on the ground by a future pharmacist. pic.twitter.com/mGnZPHlhVe— Didn’t Blow A 28-3 Lead Over Mike Leach (@dawgsports) November 13, 2021
Kentucky: Any week you don’t lose to Vanderbilt is a win, you know, technically speaking.
LSU: The Bayou Bengal administration is going to chase Lincoln Riley like a a dog after a kid with a pork chop in his pocket when the man they should hire just beat them 16-13.
Mississippi State: The only way Mike Leach could have more thoroughly confused Auburn folks in the second half is by engaging them in a discussion about the Peloponnesian War.
Missouri: Won a close one over South Carolina to claim the title of “most thoroughly and forgettably average team in the SEC East”, which is not where Missouri fans expected to be this year.
Ole Miss: Lane Kiffin is going to parlay some dumb Jimbo Fisher playcalling and eyelash batting from LSU into $8 million a year and, honestly, I respect the hustle.
South Carolina: Lost a close one to Missouri to lose the title of “most thoroughly and forgettably average team in the SEC East” which is well, pretty much where Gamecock fans expected to be this year.
Tennessee: I haven’t seen a bunch of hillbillies run around in confused circles like that since they added East Tennessee birth and marriage records to Ancestry.com.
Texas A&M: Jimbo is going to parlay a disappointing loss to Ole Miss and some eyelash batting from LSU into $12 million a year and, honestly, I respect the hustle.
Vanderbilt: Baseball season will be here before you know it, Commodore fans.
Feel free to add your own assessments of the week that was in the SEC in the comments, and ...