Welcome back to The SEC In A Sentence, in which I attempt to cram an entire weekend of SEC football into something you can finish off in under three minutes. You know, kind of like Florida fans’ hopes and dreams.
Alabama: Off this week, I presume Nick Saban spent his Saturday puttering in his office, making some recruiting calls, and measuring his man cave to figure out where he’s going to hang the impertinent hide of one Edward Orgeron.
Arkansas: “Coming off their bye week the delegation from Fayetteville yield their time to the chair.”
The Chair: If the 2021 World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party was a Nic Cage movie it would be titled “Gone In 135 Seconds.”
Cackling at this again pic.twitter.com/3yDJxX0uk6— the witchhouse enjoyer (@matt_T) November 1, 2021
Auburn: Tuning in to a Bo Nix/Matt Corral matchup only to watch them both play fundamentally sound, boring football was like going to Las Vegas and never leaving the public library.
Florida: For the first twenty-eight minutes of Saturday’s game Dan Mullen looked like a high diver who jumped awkwardly off the Empire State Building, then yelled “so far, so good!!!” as he passed the eightieth floor, only to find out twenty seconds later just how far from good he truly was.
Georgia: Squinted across the field in Jacksonville and, just for a brief second, thought they saw Ray Goff sullenly stalking the opponent’s sideline.
Kentucky: The Wildcats were having a pretty decent season until they got ambushed by a Pirate, a fate which anyone who’s traveled through Lexington on I-75 knows is sadly more common than you’d think.
LSU: Mercer lost to Bama 48-14 and I cannot say with absolute confidence that this LSU team will come closer than that.
Mississippi State: Mike Leach is on pace to win seven games and be fun, which honestly is about all Mississippi State fans have a reasonable right to expect at this point.
Missouri: Tiger fans just squeaked by Vandy and are now headed to Athens, and while they may have confidence in their Drinkwitz, they’d probably rather just have a drink.
Ole Miss: Most of us have that friend who can’t help but act on his bad ideas no matter how much you reason with him and this guy’s loose cannon buddy happens to be Lane Kiffin.
Lmao lane kiffin going for the 4th down with the analytics guy right behind him unsure pic.twitter.com/OQKzJ58CGr— jw (@iam_johnw2) October 31, 2021
South Carolina: The Gamecocks had the week off to prepare for a night game in Columbia against Florida and I’m not saying Dan Mullen is about to get fired, but I’m also not saying Dan Mullen isn’t about to get fired.
Tennessee: Still nursing the bruises from a physical loss to Alabama, the Vols head to Lexington for a physical loss to Kentucky.
Texas A&M: “Coming off their bye week the delegation from College Station also yield their time to the chair.”
Just imagine what kind of seal-clubbing, boat-racing, foot-broken-off-in-hindquarters, hillbilly ass-whipping would be happening right now if Dan Mullen wasn’t a certified quarterback whisperer.— Dawg Sports (@dawgsports) October 30, 2021
Vanderbilt: If Clark Lea walked out of his office today, hopped aboard a pedal tavern, and never got off again I wouldn’t blame him, and he’d also accumulate more stops than the Commodore defense.
As always we welcome your musings on the week that was in the SEC in the comments, and...