Welcome to The SEC in a Sentence, in which I try to squeeze ten pounds of this week’s SEC taters into a five pound SEC sack. Let’s do it:
Alabama: Tide fans can point at the scoreboard all they want, but those of us who watched it know this is not your big brother’s Godzilla of an Alabama team.
Arkansas: Won 45-3 to get back on the right side of the ledger, but all I could think about was “If Arkansas is WalMart’s chosen football team, that makes Arkansas-Pine Bluff the WalMart brand of WalMart football teams, right?”
Auburn: Took the week off before pitting Bo Nix against Lane Kiffin in a battle between the past and present of frosted hair tips.
Florida: Look, strange things happen in Jacksonville, but I think we can agree seeing Dan Mullen escorted off the sideline by Florida officials midgame wouldn’t actually be that unexpected, would it?
Georgia: Tanned, rested, and ready to send Dan Mullen into the broadcast booth.
Kentucky: Took the week off before heading to Starkville for Halloween weekend, as one does.
LSU: This ends with Ed Orgeron actually taking a nap on the sideline and I’m fine with that.
Mississippi State: Mike Leach held Vandy to a point total low enough that Mississippi State fans could count to it.
Missouri: Like your bachelorette friends Kaylie, Haylie, Sadie, and Shadie, the Tigers were so psyched to be headed to Nashville this weekend that they didn’t even go out last weekend, just to rest up.
Ole Miss: Chose exactly the right weekend to honor Arch, er, I mean Eli, Manning.
South Carolina: I could say something pithy here but just pointing out that the Gamecocks actually and factually went to the fourth quarter down 41-0 to Texas A&M is somehow even worse.
Tennessee: The Vawls played with Alabama for three solid quarters before the wheels fell off and I hope Todd Monken was paying attention to both the before and after.
Texas A&M: Jimbo Fisher could obviously just buy a win over South Carolina, but they’re so much better when you make them yourself.
Vanderbilt: Vandy fans no longer even have basketball season to look forward to.
Feel free to drop your weekend observations in the comments. And...