The SEC in a Sentence: Fare Thee Well, You Magnificent Cajun Garbage Disposal

Welcome to The SEC in a Sentence, in which I transform the assorted leavings, trimmings, and offal of a full weekend of Southern football into a single tasty boudin link of a sentence. Let’s dive in.

Alabama: Really did the decent and humane thing by putting Mississippi State down quickly when it became clear the Bulldogs couldn’t walk anymore.

Arkansas: Equilibrium comes for us all, even Sam Pittman.

Auburn: Having the best game of his career against a 4-2 Arkansas team feels like the most Bo Nix thing Bo Nix has ever done.

Florida: I just want to take this opportunity to note that we’ve reached the stage at which upsetting the Gators is no longer enough to save an SEC coach’s job.

Georgia: We’ve chosen to outsource the Georgia sentence this week.

Kentucky: Mark Stoops’s 10-2 Wildcats are going to slowly disembowel someone from the Big Ten in the Outback Bowl and I’ve already set a calendar reminder to watch it unfold.

LSU: The Tigahs were 8-7 over the past two seasons coming into Saturday, and there’s no historical period in which that doesn’t get you fired in Baton Rouge.

Mississippi State: Mike Leach’s offense hasn’t scored a single, solitary touchdown in its last two full games against Alabama and I don’t fully understand how.

Missouri: Eliah Drinkwitz’s team remains winless in the SEC and while they may not be ready to be labeled underachievers, they at least appear underachiever-adjacent.

Ole Miss: Lane Kiffin has now been living inside Tennessee fans’ heads for eleven years, and I think it’s time for him to finally install that indoor putting green.

South Carolina: {South Carolina steps to the podium...} “A gutsy win over Vanderbilt is the type of win that could really vault this team into WAIT WHY ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING I’M SERIOUS DADGUMIT!!!!”

Tennessee: I would like to welcome the rest of America to the realization that Tennessee fans are indeed the most ill-mannered in the SEC because it’s been lonely in here these past 38 years.

Texas A&M: Aggie fans may be sort of weird but even they don’t throw vape pens and mustard bottles.

Vanderbilt: The Commodores are currently investigating what it would take to get UConn and/or Colorado State into the SEC.

Feel free to add your own sentences in the comments.

Go ‘Dawgs!!!