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The SEC in a Sentence

NCAA Football: Mississippi at Alabama Gary Cosby-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to The SEC in a Sentence, in which i seek to combine the clear mountain water, corn, sugar and yeast of a week’s worth of SEC football and distill it down into a gallon of 120 proof honesty. All without being busted by the Feds. Let’s give it a shot.

Alabama: “We control our own destiny and all of our goals for the season remain in front of us” Coach Richt said slowly, allowing plenty of time for Nick to get it written down correctly.

Arkansas: Looks a little like the Razorback defense let Georgia beat them twice.

Auburn: Bo Nix sprinted all the way to coloring class this morning because he was afraid Nakobe Dean was going to jump out and finish the job.

Florida: The Gators’ clutch win over the Commodores assures they probably won’t finish last in the SEC East, another testament to the genius of Dan Mullen.

Georgia: Bo Nix running backward in terror as Bulldog defenders methodically close in on him from all sides is now my third favorite movie, right behind Caddyshack and Ernest Goes To Camp.

Kentucky: The excitement in Lexington is practically at mid-February conference basketball levels, and it would be a shame if something happened to change that.

LSU: In one fell swoop the Tigers may have moved my series of Ed Orgeron hot seat jokes from the realm of comedy into reality.

Mississippi State: Didn’t play this week, and therefore had a front row seat to the swelling Tide of Nick Saban rage that will wash ashore in Starkville next Saturday.

Missouri: Mizzou got back to .500 with a 48-35 win over North Texas that could have only been more unconvincingly Missourian if it had been slathered in sickly-sweet molasses barbecue sauce.

Ole Miss: It’s fun to score 52 points in a game, but it’s less fun to need to score 52 points in a game.

South Carolina: Shane Beamer’s guys proved this weekend that they’re a balanced football team: unable to play defense just as well as we knew they were unable to play offense.

Tennessee: With its 45-20 victory over South Carolina Josh Heupel’s squad establishes itself as the champion of SEC teams with no hope of winning an SEC Championship.

Texas A&M: Jimbo now owns Galveston because it was the only thing Aggie boosters had left lying around to give him after Saturday night.

Vanderbilt: Not the first time a group of Vanderbilt students returned from Florida having made a pact never to speak of it again.

As always feel free to discuss the ins and outs of another wild week of SEC football in the comments. And...

Go ‘Dawgs!!!