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The Triumphant Return of Comrade Muschamp

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NCAA Football: Auburn at South Carolina Jeff Blake-USA TODAY Sports

After many years and many miles our prodigal ragebot has returned.

Will Muschamp has taken many roads since he left Athens following his playing days. But it appears he will now be back in the Classic City, snarling for the home folks*. This has been easily the worst kept secret of the young SEC offseason (other than that Jeremy Pruitt was absolutely getting fired before Valentine’s Day), as Coach Boom has been seen around the football offices and Athens for a few days now.

What will his duties be? Heck if I know. I’m not sure it even really matters. Okay there are a couple of things he shouldn’t be allowed to do.

Will Muschamp would in fact be the world’s worst “get back coach.” I’m just imagining him bouncing down the field, forehead vein distended, on his way to give an official hell over a pass interference call with Kirby bouncing behind him on a string like a small child tasked with walking an over-exuberant St. Bernard. So that role is out.

Conversely, Muschamp has always enjoyed a sterling reputation as a guy who schemes up a defense and breaks down opponents’ offenses with great skill. Having Muschamp around to assist the UGA defense makes a lot of sense. He knows what Kirby Smart is looking for on that side of the ball, and left alone to sit in a room and break down film 14 hours a day I expect he will do very well.

You do not however want him within three ZIP Codes of your offense, and I am confident that whatever he’s doing he will be told to avert his gaze and avoid conversation when he passes Todd Monken in the hallway, just to be safe.

He’ll be cashing sweet, sweet South Carolina buyout checks for the foreseeable future, and won’t have to deal with the press or the boosters or any of that other crap that Will Muschamp (and most other sane college football coach) wants absolutely nothing to do with. Once again, “former SEC head football coach” is the best job in the world if you can get it. There’s a very good reason Butch Jones and Charlie Strong have been hanging out in Tuscaloosa for extended gap years with Nick Saban. Being a millionaire who hangs around and watches football is a choice gig.

Coach Boom will also get to spend time with his son Jackson, a walk-on UGA quarterback. In truly non-snarky terms, I’m genuinely happy about that. I assume it was part of the decision process, and I’d love nothing more than for the Muschamps to be standing around on the sideline at the national title game next year. Again, so long as Will is not standing next to Todd Monken or JT Daniels. Until later...

Go ‘Dawgs!!!

*You may remember some unpleasantness when Muschamp took the Florida gig a few years ago, in which he told the fawning Gator press that despite his time in Athens Gainesville was what he considered “home,” due to the time he spent living there as a kid. Heck, he even implied that he’d have played for Florida instead of only Steve Spurrier had bothered to show up and meet him on a recruiting visit rather than cramming in another quick nine holes.

I would like to remind you that truly masterful spies, committed practitioners of the long con, must have a convincing backstory and must stick to it religiously. Comrade Muschamp was simply telling the Saurian infidels what they wanted to hear. Pay no attention.