An Exhaustive List Of Things I’d Trust Dan Mullen To Develop

There’s been a good bit of talk this offseason about Florida “closing the gap” on Georgia in the SEC East. DawgOutWest already took a pretty exhaustive look at why that’s poppycock, and I’m not going to replow that particular row.

No, I come not to bury Dan Mullen, but to praise him. For you see Dan Mullen isn’t just a world class banzai practitioner and an above-average mullet fisherman. He’s also a world class developer of quarterbacks. A man who’s molded some of the greatest signal callers to roam the SEC gridiron. Men like (checks notes....frowns self-consciously) Tyler Russell. Chris Relf. Nick Fitzgerald. And Feleipe Franks.

But in addition to fair to middling SEC gunslingers, Dan Mullen can also be trusted to develop other stuff. I’ve been working on a list of those things, and here’s what I have so far:

Stuff I Could Sort Of See Dan Mullen Developing

Stuff I Could Sorta See Dan Mullen Developing

1. plantar fasciitis;
2. a wacky sitcom featuring Jim Parsons as an uptight high school football coach;
3. the film from the Kodak instant camera I took to the 1998 World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party;
4. a hankering for a peanut butter, banana, and vegemite sandwich;
5. a boy band composed of players who’ve transferred out of Gainesville before they unpacked their suitcases;
6. Tim Tebow;
7. LOL/JK #6 was actually Urban Meyer’s doing;
8. a musical based on the life of Millard Fillmore starring Matt Damon in the title role;
9. nightmares about losing to Kirby Smart once again.

Until later...

Go ‘Dawgs!!!