Many years ago, Frank Costanza bought a doll for his son. As he rained down blows upon a poor soul reaching for the same doll, he came upon the idea for a new holiday - A Festivus for the rest of us!
A key part of Festivus is when you eat dinner and there, surrounded by friends and family, unload the Airing of Grievances.
So for you, our Dawg Sports family and all other loyal followers, we’ve got a lot of problems with you people (and others outside of Athens). Now, you’re gonna hear about it...
- Geoff Collins. You’re the most disliked Geoffrey to move back south since NASCAR driver Geoff Bodine in the 1980s. Go to Sears for some socks and proper fitting pants. Oh, and you owe Kirby 45 or so pushups.
- Man Ball. Let’s be honest. It needs to be vaulted into the sun as an offensive strategy. That is, unless Georgia still wants to commit offensive malpractice.
- Dabo Swinney. The aw shucks, little ole Klempson act is old and tired. You’re only allowed to play the Rodney Dangerfield no respect card if your name is Al Czervik insulting Judge Smails in the Bushwood County Club pro shop .
- UGA baseball. Seriously, gang. The regional host deal is fun, super regionals and Omaha are funner.
- Justin Fields revisionist history. He’s gone, folks. There’s no reason to belabor why he headed away from Athens. It does nobody any good at this point. Fromm is Georgia’s QB and Fields is the guy in Columbus of the North.
- Florida fans. Actually, you guys are great. Your insisting that the gap is closing is, to quote Cousin Eddie, “the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”
- SEC refs. Wait - this is a family publication, right?
- Beth Mowins. Thanks for reminding us where the mute button is.
- Guthrie’s fried chicken. Please come back to Athens.
Go Dawgs...and good luck with the feats of strength!