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If your Georgia Bulldogs are preparing to host an Auburn team looking to make a statement, while simultaneously trying not to look ahead to the SEC Championship Game, you could probably use a drink. I can help you with that.
I stand by this Dawg Sports tweet wholeheartedly.
Auburn is the "your uncle who runs a cash landscaping business and is either eating lobster or living in his truck" of SEC football programs. https://t.co/5lokP4ZN54
— Dawg Sports, but with turkey (@dawgsports) July 20, 2018
And no one epitomizes this Auburn ethos of booms and busts quite like their head coach Augustus Eugene Malzahn. Play for a national title and win coach of the year in 2013? Finish 8-5 and fourth in the SEC West in 2014, then tank all the way to 2-6 and dead last in the division in 2015.
“Beat the dog crap” out of Georgia and Alabama in 2017 and earn a fat new contract? Celebrate by turning a top 10 2018 preseason ranking into 6-3. It’s all so charmingly Gus, and so charmingly Auburn.
Regardless of what happens in the Plainsmen’s last three games this season Gustav will be back in 2019. It’s inevitable, and hilarious.
But it would be a lot less hilarious if the Tigers come into Athens and steal one on Saturday. If however the Bulldogs stay focused, take care of business, and hammer an Auburn team that struggles to run the ball and protect the quarterback then we’ll get to enjoy Malzahn struggling for answers before exiting to cash a phenomenally big check.
What do you drink when you want to watch a stammering Malzahn in the postgame explaining his team’s seventh loss in nine meetings to its biggest rival?
A Fussy Gussy.
Start by mixing 1 and 1⁄2 ounces of gin, 2 ounces of Cheerwine, and 1 and 1⁄2 ounces of tonic water over ice. Mix well and garnish with a couple of maraschino cherries. Then enjoy. Unlike Gus, you won’t be grasping for excuses for why you deserve another one.
Go ‘‘Dawgs!!!