The Kirby Smart Hater’s Guide to Georgia’s Upcoming Loss to Mississippi State

Welcome to the Kirby Smart Hater’s Guide to Georgia Football, where we give a voice to the fans who will never be happy with Kirby Smart at the helm in Athens.

Look, there are two ways you can view the first quarter of Georgia’s season.

There’s an entire participation-trophy generation of Georgia fans who think they should go ahead and book early January flights from Atlanta to Atlanta (where the College Football Playoff Championship is held this year). Georgia is not just back, Georgia is backer than back. Georgia is backest. The Bulldogs dominated a 10-win powerhouse and handed App State its only loss of the season in Week 1. The next week, Georgia traveled on the road to Notre Dame and defeated the second-winningest college football program in the country and a top-25 team. And just last week, Georgia defeated a team that was in last year’s college football playoff. This is a team of destiny. Dawgs. On. Top.

Then there’s another faction of the fan base that is a little bit closer to what I would call “reality” (more on that in a moment). This group of fans doesn’t yet know what the 2017 Georgia Bulldogs really are. They don’t read too much into a win over Appalachian State, because Appalachian is not actually a state and the Mountaineers aren’t really a great football team. They don’t get too hype thinking about the win over a Notre Dame team that was 4-8 last year, because that team was 4-8 and may be trash this year too. They don’t really care about a win over Samford.

The first group of fans have already printed “We’re The Real Bulldogs” t-shirts to celebrate the big win over Mississippi State. The second group of fans is cautiously waiting for a fourth win before deciding if this is a really, really great team.

Well guess what, folks. There’s a third class of Georgia fans living in reality and I was voted class president, class clown, most likely to succeed and best hair.

This Georgia team is crap.

So far, Georgia has done nothing. The Bulldogs have defeated a team from the Sun Belt Conference, but guess what! The sun doesn’t even wear a belt. Read a book sometime. The Bulldogs beat a Notre Dame team that has won just six of its last 17 games. The Bulldogs beat up on some other Bulldogs that play in a lower division of football. This isn’t a case of wait-and-see. This is a case of “nothing to see here.” What’s best is to just look the other way.

Seriously, Georgia isn’t good at anything. Jake Fromm is 91st in the country in passing yards, 102nd in yards per attempt and 89th in QB rating. Georgia supposedly has a slew of great running backs, but not a one ranks in the nation’s top 30 in rushing yards, and none rank in the top 40 in yards per attempt. Georgia’s top receiver (Terry Godwin) is 190th in the nation in receiving yards.

And defensively, what has Georgia really done? The Dawgs surrendered 10 points in a crucial fourth quarter to lowly App State and showed their lack of conditioning in the process. The Georgia defense allowed Notre Dame to score on five different occasions (once in the first quarter, twice in the second quarter, once in the third quarter and once in the fourth quarter). And Samford scored 14 points, the team’s highest point total against an FBS opponent since last October.

Now, Georgia has to play a real football team. Mississippi State blew out a powerhouse football team from South Carolina (Charleston Southern) in week one 49-0. Then they crushed the entire state of Louisiana by destroying the state’s preeminent technological institution on the road (57-21 vs. Louisiana Tech) and breaking the will of a highly-regarded LSU team with a 37-7 win.

The Georgia Bulldogs have no shot this week, because Kirby Smart coaches a mediocre team even by Georgia’s mediocre standards.

Georgia’s offense stinks against bad defenses with far less talent. There’s no way it breaks out against a defense that forced an 87-yard loss in a single play earlier this year.

And Georgia doesn’t stand a chance against Nick Fitzgerald. One-hundred percent of the touchdowns allowed by Georgia have been surrendered to mobile quarterbacks. He’s a very mobile quarterback, and UGA may make him look like a Heisman candidate this week. After all, they practically handed the trophy to Samford’s Develin Hodges after he torched Georgia for 227 yards, two touchdowns and no interceptions last week. A technicality will keep Hodges from winning the award.

The (Georgia) Bulldogs were lucky to survive against the (Samford) Bulldogs last week, but something tells me this week’s battle of the Bulldogs is going to go very differently than last week’s. And the Bulldogs themselves may be what’s telling me that.

Uga X can keep wearing his silly little sweater all he wants, but the only way he looks cool when he’s at home alone is when he’s getting to third base with a bag of ice or lounging by the air conditioner. Meanwhile Bully from Mississippi State is out here looking like something from 50 Shade of Grey and picking up all the female dogs.

Kirby Smart can’t even win this mascot battle. How on earth is he going to win this football game?