It’s another wonderful Saturday morning to be a Georgia Bulldog! I, once again, find myself with a glorious slab of pork just smoking away and in the process of taking (what can only be described as)
an ill-advised a heroic gulp of Four Roses Single Barrel. And thus, we come to story time.
So, here’s the thing about this morning’s musical selection: it is an absolutely amazing musical achievement... but I’m going to intentionally get the lyrics wrong as I drunkenly sing it multiple times during today’s game against South Carolina. Here’s why:
(Author’s Note: I do not condone the behavior of the main character in the following story. It is simply as it happened at the time... the insane logic of a college-age male with questionable morality. The punchline may also be somewhat NSFW depending on how you choose to take it.)
My sophomore and junior year of college, my roommate (and future groomsman at my wedding) was dating an extremely irritating girl who happened to attend the University of South Carolina. In fact, they had been dating since high school... but that isn’t nearly as relevant to this story as the fact that she was a Gamecock.
By about mid-way through sophomore year, he had decided he was pretty much done with the relationship. But he didn’t want to break up with her because she was the type of girl that was going to make a huge public scene about it no matter how privately he tried to do it. Like, it was gonna be a snot running down the face, wailing until all hours of the night kind of affair (again, she was really irritating — and that was on a good day). Also, he was always a big baby about that kind of stuff. So he just let it ride. She was a state away, so it wasn’t like he had to see her every day. He wasn’t cheating on her and he was a much more dedicated student than I was at the time, so it wasn’t a huge sacrifice (or so he said). But every so often, she would pitch a fit (and I mean literally a fit -- like I could hear her crying through the phone), for him to come see her in Columbia. When he felt like he’d delayed it as long as he could, he would ultimately give in.
And here’s why I will go around all day misremembering a particular R.E.M. song. As he would grab his overnight bag and head toward the door, our third roommate and I would always sing at the top of our lungs:
"DON'T GO BACK TO COCKVILLE!
AND WASTE ANOTHER YEAR!"
Cause, you know...
Actually, it works on a couple of different levels. Anyway, it's the only thing I can think of when I hear that song anymore. It really kind of ruined Reckoning for me.
At any rate, he finally ended up ghosting her for like 6 weeks before she got the picture (I didn't even know that was a thing back then) and that was that. Good times.
Ok. Let's get on with it:
I want you to try not to sing the lyrics as written above. Really give it your best effort. Don't let my misfortune befall you. Good luck. And you're welcome. (Sidenote: I'd like to personally apologize to Mike Mills for this unfortunate turn of events. It really is a fantastic song.)
This is your Gameday Morning Open Comment Thread and it will be here for your commenting pleasure until the 1st Half Comment Thread posts shortly before kickoff. Feel free to make merry, share your own misremembered song lyrics, and enjoy the company of your fellow Dawgs as we all prepare for this afternoon's game against the Gamecocks.