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World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party* Gameday Morning Dawg Bites

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In which we gaze into the abyss and drown our sorrow in Maker’s 46...

Heaven knows I’m miserable now...
Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

The day of the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party* is upon us. By the end of the day:

a) The Georgia Bulldogs and Florida Gators will complete another edition of the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party*

b) Gary Danielson will make at least a dozen observations that could have been better articulated by a 3-year-old

c) I will have consumed the equivalent of a baby pool of bourbon in a fit of anguish

d) All of the above

Despite the coming events of this godforsaken day, there is still pork to be smoked, music to be enjoyed, and news to be read. So let’s get this over with...

Here is your morning soundtrack:

And your morning stories from the Internet:

In case you missed it, Jason Butt at the Macon Telegraph has a really nice retelling of the Frank Sinkwich field goal in the 1941 Georgia-Florida game along with a few insightful musings on how the kicking game of today could be viewed through the prism of “the good ol’ days”.

Emily Giambalvo of The Red & Black details a somewhat surprising and highly troubling statistic for our Dawgs. Sure, there may be some mitigating circumstances when it comes to how the schedule is ultimately set up, but I didn’t really need another reason to worry about this game.

Jordan McPherson of the Miami Herald shares some thoughts and quotes from Jim McElwain and Kirby Smart about their opinions of one another leading into their first meeting in the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party*.

The AP (via ESPN) shares the news that the 3rd-ranked running back for the Gators, Mark Thompson, won’t be appearing in the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party* after a pot citation. See, for the uninitiated, this is when you are supposed to suspend a player for pot... when there is actual pot found and there is a citation/arrest. Not that I think it’s going to hurt the Gators much.

Over at CBS Sports, all of their experts unsurprisingly pick the Gators to emerge victorious in the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party*. However, all but one pick the Dawgs against the spread. Hmm.

Apparently tracking possible uniform changes is now a thing. I seem to have missed the memo. At least there’s some good news, as UGA doesn’t seem to be planning any ill-fated uniform shenanigans in the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party*.

Before we go and prepare to enter the potentially terrifying void of another World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party*, I would just like to take a moment to lift up a word of prayer to the football god, Excessivus:

Excessivus, thou art an angry and vengeful god and we fear thee. You poison the hands of wide receivers and numb the legs of kickers. Your great power reaches down from the heavens and stops short the runs of the mightiest backs. You bring forth men from the Island of Rhode to allow sacks and cover the clouds in a sea of yellow.

Thou art a great and powerful gridiron deity. We have offered you many sacrifices: goats, former coaching staffs, and often our own dignity. As such, we humbly ask that you lay off... just this once... so victory can be achieved along the river bank in the village of Jax.

You are menacing and hateful in all of your ways and we honor you.

So, again... just go see a movie or something.

Amen.

—-

That’s it for now folks. Enjoy your World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party* gameday morning and...

GOOOO DAWGS!!!

*A note to all the knuckleheads that keep trying to rename the Georgia-Florida game:

This article contains the name “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party” 9 times. You will notice that it neglects to use whatever ridiculous name you’ve decided to trot out this year. I will continue to do my part to keep the WLOCP alive in perpetuity and you can take those silly t-shirts you made and shove ‘em.