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HATE WEEK 2015: A Little Reality Check

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Let's get one thing straight: I hate Florida. It's not just a simple dislike, a harmonious discord, or even a deep, latent enmity. I hate Florida with the fire of a thousand suns being fueled by the fire of an additional thousand suns. In a world where my choices were to cheer for Florida or go blind, I'd start learning Braille. Most of the time, however, I am (relatively) civil while expressing this intense Gator hatred. For one week a year, though, I allow my hate to come out of the closet and be displayed in its raw, unfiltered form. This is that week.

Rob Foldy/Getty Images

Good morning, Dawg fans.  It's Tuesday of HATE WEEK.  Have you hated on your Gator today?

It's Tuesday of HATE WEEK already, and let's be honest... there's a little bit of malaise that seems to have set in among the Red and Black fanbase.  With Nick Chubb's injury and so much that has gone wrong in the last 3 games, a lot of people think this game is already a done deal, pretty much.  Heck, even Florida head coach Jim McElwain can barely contain his glee at the prospect of getting a big win in his first WLOCP game.


Photo Credit: Denny Medley - USA Today Sports

And who can blame him?  I mean, the Sunshine State Saurians have an amazing redshirt freshman quarterback that's a real game-change... oh, wait.


Photo credit: Denny Medley - USA Today Sports

So the Gators won't have their redshirt freshman ingenue for a while, after all. That doesn't matter.  Jim McElwain is a master motivator.  Just look at this amazing shot from the memorable press conference he gave during SEC media days.  After hearing his fiery oration, half of the media members present were so jakked up that they leapt up and tackled the other half.


Photo credit:Kelly Lambert - USA Today Sports

And besides, it's highly unlikely that the Gators could lose any other players to legal troubles.  They have an early warning system now for when they see the Gainesville PD coming:


"HEY MAN THERE'S A COP CHOPPER COMING!  FLUSH THE DANG STASH NOW, BRO!"
(Photo credit: Mike Ehrmann - Getty Images)

Then again, not every plan is foolproof, so the Gators are still practicing the play they use most often.  It's called, "Just do whatever the popo's say and maybe you'll get off with a warning."


(Grier's execution is pretty poor on this play, since he's clearly yelling at the cops, which is probably why he got nailed to the wall instead of just a warning.  You gotta execute, son.)
Photo credit: Kim Klement - USA Today Sports

Even Coach McElwain is getting some practice in on this play, which isn't surprising, given his proclivity towards bursts of intense, uncontrolled emotions, as seen here:


Photo Credit: Andy Lyons - Getty Images

Unlike Grier, McElwain is a master at this move, and after getting off with his 13th warning just in the month of October just the other day, he was feelin' pretty seeexxxxaaaaayyyy:


Photo Credit: Kim Klement - USA Today Sports

But let's talk about the Saurians' on-field performance.  Are they really as big and bad as they seem?  I mean, heck, if Leonard Fournette can calmly meander into the endzone like he was on his Sunday afternoon constitutional, maybe our running game has a small chance of getting something going.


Photo credit: Derick E. Hingle - USA Today Sports

And hey, maybe it won't actually matter whether our placekicker can actually kick the ball or not!


Photo Credit: Crystal LoGiudice - USA Today Sports

And let's not forget some of the other struggles the Gators have had this season, such as their clash of the titans against the mega-powerhouse known as THE University of Eastern Carolina:


Photo Credit: Sam Greenwood - Getty Images

We have to be fair, though, and realize that the Gainesville PD was watching closely on the sidelines that day, so that probably affected the Gators' performance.


Photo credit: Kim Klement - USA Today Sports

No matter how this Saturday's game goes, though, we need to think about the welfare of the referees... especially the one that will be stationed on the sideline near Jim McElwain. Coach Mac is brutal on gamedays. He rages at the referees with fury that can barely be described in words, and frequently requires intense psychological counseling afterwards (for both himself and the refs).  It really borders on criminal abuse at times.  Just check this out:


Photo credit: Denny Medley - USA Today Sports

WHAT A MONSTER! IS THIS WHAT WE WANT FOOTBALL COACHES TO BE??

And, of course, this resurgence in the fortunes of the Sunshine State Saurians has their fans once again excited to see this team, and they've been turning out in numbers never seen before:


Photo credit: Kim Klement - USA Today Sports

But hey, you never know what can happen, right?  That's why they play the game!  After all, if Virginia can beat the Gators, you know we've got to have a least a shot.


Photo Credit: Bruce Thorson - USA Today Sports

That's all for today, Dawg fans!  Y'all keep your hate flowing in, and I'll see you 'round the bend soon. And remember, if you see this violent monster, stay far, far away.  For your own safety.


Photo credit: Kim Klement - USA Today Sports

Go Dawgs!