Day One of SEC Media Days is in the books. Among the highlights for me was Will Muschamp's presser, in which he came out spewing quotes and name-checking like Lil Wayne guest-rapping on a Drake song with Johnny Manziel playing xylophone in the background.
The Cliff's Notes Version
Muschamp didn't shy away from the inevitable talk about his job status. "There will be a lot of chatter about the hot-seat business. That's part of it." Coach Boom admitted. "The way you combat that is having a winning football team and winning football games, which is what we're going to do."
What does Muschamp see in 2014 for the Gators? An eighteen wheeler-load of awesome, Johnny Sportwriter. "I think we’re going to have an outstanding year, I really do. I’m very confident in this football team and this staff." Really Coach Muschamp? Why so confident? "This is the most complete team we’ve had since I’ve been here from the standpoint of offense, defense and special teams." One wants to ask him if it's the team he's been waiting his whole career to coach, but one would be scared he'd catch the reference and rip one's arms off and beat one to death with them.
On his overall mood going into 2014: "I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. I think about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly away." [Editor's note: totally made that last one up, but it seemed to fit into the progression].
All in all it leaves you with the impression of a salesman who's not exactly 100% confident that these are in fact the best kitchen knives on the market, but is 100% sure he needs to sell the hell out of them. If you're inclined to see more of Muschamp's remarks, here ya go:
The Reaction To Wild Will And His Cash Money Quote Machine
Twitter is, as usual, the best place to get immediate, sarcastic feedback on this topic. Highlights just from around SB Nation included the following:
Muschamp always sounds like a nervous Ole Miss fraternity treasurer trying to book a formal venue.— Steven Godfrey (@38Godfrey) July 14, 2014
Will Muschamp is the waiter who will not fucking finish listing the specials.— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) July 14, 2014
Will Muschamp sounds like he’s begging for a bank loan that he’s not qualified to receive.— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) July 14, 2014
Nope. It's the Pappy Van Winkle of dumb. "@Goldkamp247: Bruce Feldman on Muschamp: "Will didn't get dumb overnight. He's a good coach."— Dawg Sports (@dawgsports) July 14, 2014
Does Muschamp have a talented team? Sure. And what can we really expect the guy to say? "If one of our offensive linemen goes down to injury I may be lining Mr. Two Bits up at guard."? "Jeff Driskel can't possibly be as bad now as he was to start 2013, and he damned sure can't be as bad as Skyler Mornhinweg was after that." The truth is that Will Muschamp does return a talented squad, and with Missouri, Georgia, and South Carolina all replacing important parts of their 2013 squads, it's not totally crazy to think Florida could make some noise in the SEC East. He better, otherwise he's going to make somebody a really good defensive coordinator next year. Until tomorrow . . .