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Good Night, Thweet Prince.

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USA TODAY Sports

By now you've likely heard the news that Lou Holtz says he's leaving ESPN's college football coverage after the 2014 season, though the folks at ESPN seemed to be blissfully unaware of it (and Holtz admits he's been saying he was retiring for half a decade now).

I bag on Holtz a lot in this space and when he was coaching at South Carolina I nursed a healthy disdain for him. He often gets a pass on the series of shenanigans that followed him from school to school, and if you're looking for cutting edge analysis you won't be hearing it from Dr. Lou.

Nevertheless, Holtz is the crazy uncle everyone seems to feel some degree of affection for, so his alleged retirement is an event that shouldn't be allowed to pass without some fanfare.

We all pay tribute in our own ways, of course. Here at Dawg Sports we noted that Holtz claims he'll spend his retirement working on his golf game and catching up on time with his wife.

That'll last about six months, Lou. Trust us, as college football bloggers we've been semi-retired from birth. You need to seek out challenges. And we can help. Allow me to present the official Dawg Sports list of suggested Lou Holtz retirement activities:

  • Downton Abbey fan fiction. Really steamy Downton Abbey fan fiction.
  • Obtaining that elusive patent for his booze-laced adhesive product "Irish tape."
  • Training to run the Iditarod with his trusty Yorkie "Maymark" in the lead.
  • All. The. Cracker. Barrel.
  • That screen play for a "My Mother the Car" movie that's been gathering dust on the shelf since 1974.
  • A truly mind-boggling amount of Boggle.
  • Finally seeing Metallica in Amsterdam. Hetfield's been bugging him about that for years.
  • Finally getting around to actually watching some college football.

We'll miss you, Dr. Lou.