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Not-So-Breaking News: Auburn Cheats, Does Horrible Things (Allegedly)

Brace yourselves, everyone, because this is going to be a HUGE SHOCK. Auburn has been accused of cheating. (Gasp!)

Hey, Auburn's been good to us recently, so I ain't complaining.
Hey, Auburn's been good to us recently, so I ain't complaining.
Michael Chang

(Ed. Note: Kyle Weblog would have turned over in his internet grave if we hadn't reported on this. Kyle Weblog hates Auburn.)

Selena Roberts of something called Roopstigo is the latest journalist to "allegedly" dig up more "alleged" things that might or might not allegedly have happened (but did, allegedly) in the Loveliest Little Village on the Plains. You might not have heard of the website (neither have I), but the themes brought up in this piece are sure to sound familiar to longtime followers of Auburn's athletics history. Among the most important allegations being made are these:

1) Former football player Mike McNeil (who, ostensibly, the entire story is about) is essentially having his life ruined and being tried for felony armed robbery charges because he knew too much about what went on behind the scenes at War Eagle U.

2) Gene Chizik don't give a f*ck. (About anything.) (Unless you're wearing dreds, because if so, you'd better find another football team to play for, thug.)

3) Will Muschamp kept a gangsta roll in his desk, peeling off Benjamins as players needed them.

4) The Auburn Police Department is complicit in keeping Tiger players out of jail. (If only we could be accused of this kind of complicity with the Athens-Clarke County PD!)

5) Prior to the 2010 National Championship Game, as many as 9 players were going to be declared academically ineligible for the game, including star RB Michael Dyer. Turns out, all of them magically qualified, though! WAR EAGLE!

For the record, rumors of mass suspensions due to grades were being thrown around before that year's BCS national championship game. Then, nothing came of it and everybody assumed that Auburn surely hadn't cheated because they've never cheated before, right? Right??

Come on, folks. I know it, you know it, and the entire college football world knows it. Auburn's athletics program is dirty as hell. The last 56 years of their history is littered with seven major NCAA violations, many horrifyingly blatant in their execution. (And that's not even counting their dirty actions on the field of play.) So, now comes the revelation that they might willingly destroy a guy's life (and not as in "no more football"... we're talking "in prison for 20-years-to-life") just because he knows some details about what's going down now.

Sorry, War Eagle/Tiger/Plainsmen. I know you'll probably be able to wiggle out of the justice system's hands on this one, but so much circumstantial evidence has been built up against you over the last 56 years that it doesn't even occur to me to think that this story might not be true.

Haven't we all experienced the insane passion of Auburn football fans? Haven't we all seen the actions by their players that border on criminal assault on the field? More than once? Does anyone doubt that Auburn football has the significant financial impact that the reporter claims? And knowing Auburn fans as we do, does anyone doubt that those who stand to gain the most would take the actions reported in this article to protect their interests?

Look, I ain't a lawyer, and I ain't trying to play one on the internet. All I'm saying is that Auburn has proven over the last 56 years that they're a bunch of cheaters. Now another story comes out claiming that they're once again up to their old cheating ways. Who are we supposed to believe? The player whose life is being ruined or the athletic program with 56 years chock-full of NCAA infractions under its belt?

I know the side on which I fall of this argument... Kyle Weblog's side.

Don't take my word for it, though. Read the article for yourself. See how the tale is told. Then let us know what you think. Are the Auburn folks just a bunch of cheaters? Or is this just a situation of a guy with an axe to grind trying to make his old team look bad?