The Only SEC Championship Preview You'll Ever Need. Ich Bin Ein Missourianer.

I'm not here to tell you how to watch the SEC Championship Game. That sort of thing, like religious bent and political affiliation, is a person's own business. This nation was founded on man's inalienable right to be left the heck alone in making decisions of just such seismic importance.

But I will say this. I hate Auburn. I dislike the pervasive belief of a certain segment of the Alabama fanbase that Nick Saban's football knowledge transitively makes them gridiron geniuses. I'm irked by Florida fans' sense of entitlement, and I'm not thrilled with the various excuses South Carolina fans make for not playing in Atlanta. Kentucky's failure and/or refusal to field a passable football team while maintaining SEC membership is something I find annoying. And I actually genuinely enjoy the company of a few individuals who by matriculation or breeding root for the school located in the Loveliest Little Village on the Plains (which, and I can't believe I'm admitting this, isn't the worst small college town in America).

But institutionally, viscerally and, hell, ecumenically, I hate Auburn. That's why this afternoon I'll be pulling for the Missouri Tigers in the Georgia Dome. A Missouri win allows me to pull for an Ohio State loss later this evening to Michigan State, setting up the possibility of the Fighting Pinkels taking on Florida State for a shot at continuing the SEC's string of national titles.

An Auburn win, however, would force me to root for Urban Meyer, because if there's anything I dislike more than the spectre of Urban Meyer playing for another national title, it is the spectre of Auburn playing for a national title with another SEC transfer Klepto-back at the switch. I'm not sure I could handle that. I'm not sure the world could handle that. So for me, for America, for the world I say Ich Bin Ein Missourianer. Until later . . .

Go Mizzou!!!!