Asking a Georgia fan to rank SEC football teams after this past weekend of college football is kind of like asking Mrs. Lincoln if she'd be willing to write a brief review of the play.
Really, I remember very little of what happened on the college gridiron after about 7:27 p.m. Saturday evening. I think there was Ed Orgeron with a sword, and Baylor scored some points, and then I cried until I fell into a fitful, unfulfilling, sleep. Then it was Sunday, or so I'm told.
Nevertheless, we do what we must. So, I've clawed back through my memory banks (and DVR) to assess the relative merits of the various squads Penn Wagers has screwed over or will eventually screw over in the future. Groan.
Games watched: Georgia/Auburn (tears up again), Florida/South Carolina, Alabama/Missy St., Kentucky/Vandy.
1. Alabama. The Tide looked pretty meh-some against Mississippi State. It didn't matter. If that was the one "off" performance you see down the stretch from good teams, then either South Carolina or Missouri is in deep trouble.
2. Missouri. The Tigers had the weekend off, giving James Franklin a little more time to rest up before heading to Oxford.
3. Auburn. About the only memory I have retained from this weekend's Georgia/Auburn game (other than the play which will haunt my Novembers for the rest of my natural born football watching life . . .) was Aaron Murray throwing at will on an Auburn secondary that looked outmatched by a Georgia receiving corps missing at least 3 of its most powerful weapons. Like the rest of this season, it would have been different if those guys had been there. They weren't. It isn't. I'm gonna go drink now.
4. Texas A&M. Like Missouri the Aggies were off this weekend, which I presume means that Johnny Manziel spent some time in Vegas teaching Miley Cyrus to do whatever is after twerking.
5. LSU. Spent the weekend coming to terms with their loss to Alabama and getting ready for Texas A&M. Or eating boudin and drinking Turbo Dog. Actually Zach Mettenberger may have done all of this at the same time. It's a coping strategy, you know?
6. South Carolina. Dammit. How did we forget that the team that loses UGA/USC wins the East?!?!? While they still need some help, the Gamecocks still have a shot at Atlanta, which is more than many fans expected earlier this season.
7. Georgia. Is it possible to get a group rate on 72 hour psychiatric holds?
8. Ole Miss. Headed into a huge showdown in Oxford with Missouri. How will a young Rebel team respond to the big game atmosphere?
9. Vandy. Reached bowl eligibility with a less-than-impressive 22-6 win over Kentucky. Most SEC schools would view Memphis or Birmingham for bowl season as a disappointment. For James Franklin it will likely mean a pay raise.
10. Florida. Did you really expect Florida to beat South Carolina on Saturday? What in the recent past disposed you in that direction? Could I interest you in some unregistered shares in a Bahamian construction company?
11. Tennessee. With Vandy and Kentucky left on the slate the 4-6 Vols still have a shot at bowl eligibility. I suspect anything less than 6-6 will be a slight disappointment for Tennessee fans, but the future holds promise for the gang from Knoxville.
12. Mississippi State. Showed more in a 13 point loss to Bama than they have in any win so far this year.
13. Arkansas. Sure, the 'Hawgs have lost 7 in a row, but they didn't lose this weekend. And that's got to count for something. At this point Bielema is just trying to find the guys he'll build around for the future.
14. Kentucky. The Kentucky offense is a bundle of fits and starts, which will inevitably explode for 400+ yards against Georgia because, well, we haven't been cursed enough.
That's it. That's all I've got. Feel free to pick various and sundry nits in the comments, or to exhale audibly and return to weeping softly on your keyboards. Until later. . . .