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Barometer or Thermometer? Week 5

It's a little-known fact, but weather instrumentation can actually measure any given college football team...

Daniel Shirey-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

my god this weekend sucks.
- Mark Mandingo

Well, it all depends on your point of view. If you are looking for a day full of high-profile, high quality, (potentially) competitive match-ups, I'm afraid Mark is 100% correct. In fact, I'm setting my alarm on Saturday for about 2:00 P.M. because the early games are snooze worthy. But when it comes to Barometer (state of your program) or Thermometer (coaches potentially or squarely on the hot seat) games, this weekend is Trap-Tastic! Frankly, the pickin's are a bit slim this week and I'm just too lame to even pay attention to left-coast games.

I hereby present a few select games for Week 5 of Barometer or Thermometer. I'm working on a sponsorship from the WeatherChannel because Ludakit ate all of the Gordo's Cheese Dip. And that stuff is awesome.

On with the show...

Minnesota @ Iowa (12:00 PM, ESPN2)

Kirk Ferentz has the best darn contract in all of College Football. If Iowa fires him, they're gonna have to sell Kinnick Stadium just to raise collateral money. I don't know what happened to this program over the last few years, but things in Iowa City are pretty dire. They sit a 2-2 with losses to Iowa State and Central Michigan, and one of their wins was a 1 point slapdown of Northern Illinois (Northwestern Light). The Mighty Minnesota Golden Gophers (4-0) come calling. Another home loss to the rodents and favorite Iowan Radar O'Reilly is gonna want a piece.

Verdict: Thermometer

MTSU @ Georgia Tech (12:00 PM, Nickelodeon)

Georgia Tech should win this game. They travel to Clemmons College Clemson next week. Trap game? Doesn't matter because Paul Johnson is the founder of Mensa. MTSU had a bye last weekend and they may give Tech a tussle. Hundreds of people will see this one live from North Avenue.

Verdict: Tech lose again

Arkansas @ Texas A&M (12:21 PM, SECNet)

I guess euthanasia is out of the question. Not for Jonelle. For any Arkansas fan still hoping.

Verdict: Electrolysis Machine

Notre Dame @ (WHAT! It's a bye week. Thank heaven for small miracles)

South Carolina @ Kentucky (7:00 PM, ESPN2)

Call me crazy, but 2010 could happen again for the 'Cocks, no? Will Joker Phillips get any effort and desire out of his troops? I think he does. South Carolina could very well be looking ahead to a certain game next Saturday and Kentucky still has enough warm bodies to actually field a team. I'm not calling for the upset, but this game might be more interesting than it would appear. South Carolina's defense is too stout for UK's anemic offense to do a thing. In the end, defenses generally carry the day.

Verdict: Title IX

Tennessee @ Georgia (3:30 PM, ESPN)

I don't typically include Georgia in the Barometer/Thermometer meteorological analysis because there's just too much positive vorticity advection at the 500 millibar level with ample available moisture thus sparking severe Present weather symbol 99with late day heating. My official forecast is...

This game has the potential to be turbulent. It could be a trap game if Georgia is caught looking ahead. 2004 still burns, and my immediate thoughts after our Vandy beatdown was of the potential for another slip up. Derek Dooley may be on his way out, but winning this game would be THE signature win of his tenure thus far in Knoxville. Offensively, the Vols are fairly one-dimensional. They generally cannot run the ball against better defenses, with Florida being the prime example thus far. If you can't run, you can't play action pass and cheat the safeties in to be honest against any ground threat. Still, I think Tennessee is motivated and we'll get their best shot.

However, Georgia will see the return of the the Doobie Brothers. Tree and Rambo are back and I imagine they're hungry (no, not for that that reason) to get out there, crack some skulls and atone for their herbaceous ways.

The Dawgs are rolling. Our defense should be improved, which is a scary thought. Sanford will be rocking and Tennessee just doesn't have the athletes to keep up. Unless we come out flat (or distracted), we pull away. For Son of Dooley, it only gets warmer. I pray this game doesn't come down to an extra-point.

Verdict: A Creamsicle Orange Thermometer

There you have it, everyone. Nothing fancy, just the facts.