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Samuel L. Jackson, the Georgia Bulldogs, and the 2012 College Football Season

I should begin my mentioning that I have not---I repeat: not---been drinking.

If, however, you had the evening of August 23 in the "When will Manic Kyle make his first preseason appearance?" pool, congratulations, because you are a winner!

First, Mark Richt’s goatee emerged, and I was encouraged. Then, Coach Richt shaved, and I was disappointed, but still I held out hope that Evil Richt might just be making an effort to conceal his true identity by cutting his locks, much as Lana Lang did after escaping from Lex Luthor’s kidnapping goons following the end of the seventh season of “Smallville.”

Of course, I was concerned about the loss of Isaiah Crowell and Georgia’s depleted scholarship numbers, but then the playing field began to be leveled, bit by little bit. Missouri lost a pair of offensive linemen. LSU dismissed Tyrann Mathieu. Florida struggled to find a quarterback. Auburn suspended DeAngelo Benton indefinitely. Tennessee suspended Da’Rick Rogers indefinitely. Even Buffalo started losing linebackers right and left. To top it all off, Texas A&M (perhaps Georgia’s SEC Championship Game opponent?) appears, um, to have issues in the kicking game.

It wasn’t just a matter of the other fellows having troubles, too, though. Proposed changes to college tennis ostensibly were averted thanks to the efforts of Manny Diaz and others like him. The University of Georgia was declared the country’s most American university. Then, as noted in two fanshots here, Samuel L. Jackson spent the day hanging out with the Bulldogs.

I’m sorry, but even Wally Butts, Vince Dooley, and Larry Munson would have to consider that a good sign.

Jules Winnfield. John Shaft. Mace Windu. Nick Fury. Frozone. This guy.

It’s not just the fact that Georgia is 1-0 when Sammy J. is in Sanford Stadium; clearly, the presence of his bad self had an impact on our defensive coordinator:

It sounds like the Bulldogs are going to KTMFD, then ask them whether they speak English while they lie on the ground. It sounds like the Red and Black are going to be badasses while they get after their asses. If we can get Georgia’s coolest fan to stand on our sideline for the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, they may have to rename the city Samuel L. Jacksonville. If we can get him to stand on our sideline for the Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry, he may announce that he has had it with those you-know-whating snakes on the you-know-whating Plains.

I’m not going to go crazy and predict an undefeated season or anything. I’m just saying that, as long as we have a Jedi Avenger superhero on our side, there’s a chance that maybe, just maybe, 2012 could turn out all right. Here’s hoping that, while Jackson was in Athens, Mark Richt quoted to him from the Book of Ezekiel and said: “The truth is, they’re the weak, and I’m the shepherd. But I’m trying, Samuel. I’m trying real hard to be the tyranny of evil men.”

Go ‘Dawgs!

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