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Attention: Do Not Move In Downstairs From Tennessee QB Tyler Bray.

This bifurcated special report is brought to you by Dawg Sports sponsors Skeeter's Gas&Lube of Adel and Big Dan's Used Cars of Helena.

Official Newsy News

Tennessee starting quarterback Tyler Bray has apparently been accused of damaging a neighbor's car outside his Knoxville apartment.

Kirstie Allen reported that she left her car parked outside her apartment on Monday while she went inside for lunch. When she came out 30 minutes later over $500 worth of damage had been done to the vehicle. Allen told officers that she suspected Bray and his roommate, 26 year old former UT video department employee Michael Grandinetti, had done the damage after she called police a couple of nights before about them throwing beer bottles off the balcony of the apartment building at her car. Bray has not been charged as a result of the incident.

And after the jump . . .the rest of the story.

Seriously, what self-respecting SEC quarterback lives with a 26 year old video department employee? Are they long lost brothers? Is the guy Bray's lady-wrangling advisor? Come on, Tyler, at least if you lived with Justin Hunter he could show off his knee surgery scar when girls come over. Chicks dig scars.

Casey Clausen could have broken that windshield with one arm tied behind his back.

These clowns are lucky that they weren't throwing beer bottles at Kirstie Alley's car. This thing would have ended with an ass whooping that would have left Norm speechless, and Bray would be digging Jenny Craig rice cakes out of crevices he didn't know he had.

Bray finished his evening by hitting the car with 14 of 35 beer bottles, 3 of which were intercepted by downstairs neighbors. Vol fans are still super optimistic about his Heisman chances. He's a gunslinger, you know.

Not to mention Bray's newly developed maturity.

The Volunteer signal caller has not been charged because, as Knoxville Police Chief Gomer Hillfolk pointed out "Our department is still very, very busy not investigating UT football players beating off duty police officers senseless in a bar, and not building a case against UT football players who didn't realize they were at the scene of a convenience store robbery in which a Prius was the getaway vehicle, despite being in said Prius. We'll not get around to this when we have the time. Thank you, and Go Vols."