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Who's Got The Herb?: An Open Letter To The Georgia Bulldogs

Another summer weekend is on the way and I know what at least one of you is probably thinking: Lets get high!

As that pillar of the counterculture, T. Kyle King, points out here, maybe pot should be legal. Now I know you kiddos love the ganja, but right now it isn't legal. And you know that voice inside your head telling you "it won't happen to me" that always seems to pipe up? Its wrong. You play football for the Georgia Bulldogs. It will happen to you. You will get caught. You will get arrested. And because you don't play at one of the other Division I schools, you will get suspended or kicked off the team.

And frankly, I don't think most of us can take any more of your shenanigans. You can get butthurt all you want about how we turn on you when you do something stupid, but the simple fact is that many of us have degrees from the University of Georgia and all of us love the University of Georgia. When you signed that piece of paper that gave you a free ride to school, you also agreed to represent UGA. Our allegiance is to the University of Georgia, not to you (which, by the way, is where your allegiances should lie as well). And when you fail drug tests or get busted with dope, you are embarrassing yourself, our school, and us.

Now that all the scolding is out of the way, let me tell you what I'm going to do for you. Since you seem to have difficulty finding ways to fill your time outside of practice and class, I'm gonna give you some options...

First, because I know you kids love the groovy tunes, I'm going to provide you with a soundtrack:

Singing along to this song should be the only time between now and the time you graduate that you utter the phrase "Who's got the herb?"

Given the propensity of many to walk a line on the edge of legality, I'm going to begin with a few options for this crowd:

1) Get Hammered Drunk In Your Room and Play XBOX

It was good enough for us 10 years ago and its good enough for you. Get some buddies and drink. Then fire up the XBOX and play with imaginary guns as much as you'd like. Try to keep the noise down and DO. NOT. DRIVE. I can't speak for the rest of the fanbase, but if you get busted and the worst they can say is you had too many beers, I can find a way to live with that.

2) Break Into Butts-Mehre and Steal Mike Bobo's Green Notebook

Who doesn't love a little light breaking and entering? I don't know about everyone else, but if you can swipe the green notebook and burn it, I can overlook the inevitable suspension. Your team will miss you for a game or two, but in the long run we'll all thank you. Hell, if you're a defensive player, Grantham might take you out for drinks afterward.

Now for a few squeaky clean activities to fill your weekend:

3) Channel Your Unending Love For Pot Into A Productive Hobby/Business Venture, say, glass blowing. You could create a whole line of Georgia branded bongs tobacco smoking implements to make some extra cash instead of selling your bowl jersey to a "collector."

4) Take Up Herb Gardening

No, not that herb. You know, parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme? Wait, Kanye West hasn't sampled Simon & Garfunkle yet... so you probably didn't get that reference.

5) Watch Game Film and Prep For the Missouri Game

On second thought, that's probably too much to ask. Baby steps.

6) Find Yourself An Athens Hottie

The University of Georgia is known for having some of the most beautiful women in the country and you play on the football team. If you're driving around with your boys and smoking dope at 3 am, you're doing it wrong.

If none of those options are appealing to you, tough. You didn't get a scholarship to play college ball because you were the state's top rated pot smoker. Now get off my lawn!