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Thursday Morning Dawg Bites: Suck It Up, You Bunch of Crybabies! Edition

Technically, this is a special truncated Thursday morning edition of "Dawg Bites," but, really, I just saw a handful of items I thought warranted attention (read: grousing), so think of this as "Kyle Gets Contrary" in miniature:

I totally don’t get how this is a thing, but, apparently, some people care that Florida and Tennessee may not play on CBS this fall. No, that’s it; there’s nothing more to the story than that. Some folks may just have to change the channel. That’s all. Meanwhile, we’re over here about to lose the oldest rivalry in the league, but, hey, we’ll be sure to cry us a river over you Gator and Vol fans having to move your thumbs to different positions on your remote control, because that’s a national tragedy.

As noted by Senator Blutarsky, those Big Ten whiners are up in arms over something else this week. This time, those snivelling Midwesterners are complaining about “the sham of ‘neutral site’ games in places such as New Orleans and Miami.” All right, look, I know Jim Delany and his coevals aren’t smart enough to count past ten, but this is getting ridiculous. It’s a neutral site if both teams get half the tickets. Last season, Alabama beat LSU in New Orleans, LSU beat Georgia in Atlanta, and Georgia beat Florida in Jacksonville, so quit carping about home field advantage when neither team is playing on its home field. Besides, I have family in South Georgia, and I drive down to visit my relatives every Christmas, so don’t try telling me Yankees don’t drive south for the winter; they do, in droves, and I see tons of them on I-75. They don’t like being up there any better than the rest of us do, so they should thank us for the chance to get the heck out of there. If they want to host home games in December, they need to secede and petition Canada for annexation. Being the tolerant (read: indifferent) sorts that we are, we’d let ‘em go without burning anybody’s home town to the ground.

You know how they say “you can’t coach speed”? Well, evidently, they’re wrong, because Georgia just hired a new speed coach. No, I don’t have any problem with that; it was just newsworthy, and I didn’t want to sound uniformly negative. Feel free to carry on with your day. The weekend is almost upon us, people, and spring practice begins within a month!

Go ‘Dawgs!

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