It's twelve p.m. Have you hated Auburn today? If not, be sure to check out Kyle's primer on hating the WarTiglesMen, Cherokee's Grip's typically excellent Blake-inspired double-shot of hatred, and this week's podcast, all of which contain some grade-A prime-cuts of hatred. RedCrake has let us know what we can watch while we're waiting for our evening kickoff against our oldest rival. I've picked a couple of those games against the spread. Now it's time for us to identify the one game on which you should not waste even one minute. That game is the National Game of Disinterest, and this week it is Arizona State at No. 19 USC.
I hate Lane Kiffin (not nearly as much as I hate Auburn, but still). Let's review his record: after serving as a graduate assistant at his alma mater, Kiffykins secured a job as an offensive line coach at Colorado State in 1999. He left the following year, and the Rams promptly won 10 games and an outright Mountain West title. From Colorado State, Laner took over as a quality control assistant (lolwut?) with the Jacksonville Jaguars, who had won 36 games and two division titles in the previous three seasons. The Jags fell to 7-9 and missed the playoffs for the first time since their first season in the NFL. He left the following year to join the staff of the USC Trojans.
In all fairness, the Trojans enjoyed unprecedented success during Kiffin's tenure on the offensive staff. However, once he was promoted to offensive coordinator in 2005, the Trojans managed to lose the national championship to Texas despite the presence of a Heisman Trophy winner, twelve All PAC-10 players, and numerous future first round draft picks on the roster. In his second season, the Trojans' impressive NCAA-record streak of 63 consecutive games scoring 20 or more points ended against mighty UCLA, who would finish the season with an impressive 7-5 record and then go on to lose the Emerald Bowl to an FSU squad that posted its worst overall record since 1976. About a billion of the wins attributed to USC during Kiffin's time there were subsequently vacated by the NCAA.
Kiffin's performance as a coordinator earned him a head coaching gig with the Oakland Raiders in 2007. He became the youngest head coach in NFL history. Oakland finished 4-12. Kiffin was fired less than a month into the following season. In a televised press conference, a surpisingly cogent Al Davis would call Kiffin "a flat-out liar" who had brought "disgrace to the organization." Two months later, Kiffin was introduced as the head coach of the Tennessee Volunteers, where he became the youngest active head coach among the college ranks. After posting a 7-6 record with the Vols in 2009, Kiffin accepted an offer to take the helm at USC, which was apparently impressed by his 12-21 record as a head coach.
We all know the story of Kiffin's tenure at USC: The Trojans posted their worst record since 2001 in his first year, but improved to 10-2 in his second. They parlayed this return to normalcy into a #1 preseason ranking this year, which has disintegrated due to losses to Stanford, Arizona, and Oregon.
Kiffin will probably wind up firing his father after this season. He boasts a 36-31 record as a head coach, but has somehow managed to parlay every underperformance into a better job. He made us all agree with Urban Meyer that one time. And have you seen his his wife? If you look up the phrase "failing upward" in the Urban Dictionary, you will see a picture of his stupid, punchable face.
So you should skip this weekend's USC game for the sole reason that you shouldn't want to support a program that has chosen to hire this dirt bag. And anyway, the Trojans are totally going to beat the Sun Devils, who have somehow posted a 5-4 record this season despite being first or second in their conference in most statistical categories. Lame. Watch South Carolina pummel Arkansas or Mizzou tussle with Tennessee instead.