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Georgia Bulldogs Football Recruiting Strategy Should Favor Offensive Linemen . . . to the Exclusion of All Other Offensive Players

we need another OL (or 2-4 more if you ask tankertoad—said in sarcasm font)

Mr. Sanchez
no, we need like 10 more linemen. I am sure in 2 years it will be whittled down to 1 or 2.


As you know, Georgia just got some good news on the recruiting front, about which further detail is forthcoming. In the meantime, though, I would like to say that, while I welcome Todd Gurley, I have been convinced by tankertoad that we should adopt an entirely new recruiting strategy.

We should only recruit offensive linemen for our offense.

Seriously. All right, not seriously, but go with me here:

If Georgia ran an offense composed only of offensive linemen, the benefits would be myriad. For one thing, we’d never run short of offensive linemen, which seems to be a perennial problem. Furthermore, some of Mike Bobo’s most maddening tendencies would be not only mitigated, but eliminated altogether, by putting offensive linemen at every position.

Frustrated by the sight of a 160-pound tailback being sent up the middle on third and long? If every offensive player tips the scales at or above 300 pounds, that ceases to be an issue! Infuriated by Coach Bobo’s failure to utilize properly our top-flight tight ends? Not a problem, if you have no tight ends! Driven batty by “first and bomb”? That risk is eliminated if no one on offense can throw that far or run that fast!

But, wait! Won’t fielding only offensive linemen deprive us of “SEC speed”? Well, no, not really, because most of that SEC speed is on defense, but, more to the point, our entire offensive strategy would be “pick a dude and pancake his skinny butt!” If you knock everybody down, you don’t need to be fast to score!

Here, though, is the real beauty of this plan: Disney would make a movie about our all-offensive lineman offense, because fat guy touchdowns are the staple of Disney football movies, and, in our new offense, every touchdown would be a fat guy touchdown! You wouldn't even have to use slow motion for dramatic effect, because our ballcarriers would all run, like, 10.8-second 40-yard dashes.

Think about the good that would do. A movie about Georgia would improve our recruiting, and, since Disney would be releasing the film, all of Disney's subsidiaries would be obligated to love us. Say . . . isn’t ESPN owned by Disney?

Why, yes! Yes, the Worldwide Leader in Sports is a Disney property! Ladies and gentlemen, our all-offensive lineman offense would win us the benefit of “The Narrative,” meaning that, the next time we’re in a situation like the one we were in in 2007, we’ll be given the same benefit of the doubt Alabama was given in 2011!

In short, our offense would undergo de-Bobofication, our public relations profile would go way up, and, as an extra added bonus, the cannonball contest at the preseason pool party would rock. You can’t spell “football” without extra OL; now that our defense is fast and nasty, it’s time to fix our offense by going all-big ugly.

Go ‘Dawgs!

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