(Note: This post is meant for people with a sense of humor (and Lord knows thats something we could all use right now). There's nothing terribly offensive here (i.e. if you're looking for jokes about dead live mascots you've come to the wrong place... although there may be a joke about dead furry-suited mascots). If you do not have a sense of humor, please feel free to avoid this article altogether. If you insist on reading it anyway and feel the need to complain in the comments, please identify yourself beforehand as someone with no sense of humor so the author and other blog readers may choose to ignore you accordingly.)
So I thought about doing a post about my feelings regarding the Boise State game, but frankly its been done and nobody wants to read a post consisting of pictures of sobbing children or complete a poll suggesting the best way for me to put myself out of my misery. Instead of doing that, I'll once again look at various aspects of one of our upcoming opponents with a little good-natured ribbing thrown in for good measure. Aspects as varied as pop-culture, athletics, politics, entertainment, and other miscellanea . Please understand that I am only kidding... really. Unless you're reading the feature right before we play Florida or Auburn, its totally in jest. I should also note that I have family as far back as 1913 that are alums of either South Carolina or Clemson, that a large portion of my family lives in South Carolina, and that if I didn't love living in Georgia so much, I'd probably live there.... so take that for what its worth.
If you're game, hit the jump as I drop a little knowledge on ya...
1) The Gamecocks Are Responsible For Destroying the Musical Tastes of An Entire Generation of Children
UGA gave us R.E.M. and The B-52's (among countless others). South Carolina gave us Hootie and the Blowfish.
This is unforgivable.
I'm going to let you in on just how bad it is (and since I've been feeling a little depressed for the last few days, I've decided to do it with puppets.)...
2) Come to South Carolina, Meet Interesting People.... Get Killed By Them!
According to the FBI, Columbia has a violent crime rate higher than that of 90% of cities in the United States. And yet, it is higher than only 55% of cities in South Carolina. Columbia has a violent crime rate of 860 crimes per 100,000 people. The University of South Carolina has a little over 29,000 students at its Columbia campus. That means 250 SC students could potentially be victims of violent crime this year. YIKES!.
I'm thinking Cocky might want to transfer to Tech and take his chances strolling down North Avenue.
3) South Carolina hates Clemson. We hate Clemson.
We hate Clemson in a "You're an old rival and we want to beat you" way. South Carolina hates Clemson in a "We want to claw your eyes out with our mutated chicken feet" way. Still, I use this as a strong counterexample of the ridiculous notion that the enemy of our enemy is our friend.
4) "South Carolina Will Win the Next 5 National Championships, Put a Man on Mars, and Cure Cancer...
Unless they're up against Notre Dame or Arkansas."
5) Politicians Gone Wild!!!
This is the part of the post where I get a little political. Or rather, where I mock a local politician.
Florida has Corrine Brown. Georgia has Cynthia McKinney. South Carolina has Assistant Attorney General Roland Corning. This fine gentleman was caught with... ahem... an exotic dancer, a bag of (how shall I put this) items one might have if keeping the company of an exotic dancer, and a bottle of Viagra. Now on this surface this might seem like politics as usual, but where did this gentleman decide to go? A cemetary. And when did this happen? On his lunch break. Wow. Just wow. And least he got fired though.
6) Cowpens, South Carolina
I don't think I could come up with a more apt name for a place. I just thought you might like to know that.
(Although I do recommend the National Battlefield.)
7) South Carolina Actually Bothered To Show Up For Their First Game
Well sort of. In the 2nd half anyway. But hey, a win's a win and the Gamecocks will get no complaints out of me. Like Georgia, they played a non-AQ school who has made their share of noise over the last few years and they did what an SEC team should do. They wore them out.... after lulling them into a false sense of security in the first half of course.
South Carolina will come to play on Saturday and my fear is Georgia will not. I hope the Dawgs come ready, but I'm not sure Georgia's version of ready and South Carolina's version of ready are in the same stratosphere at the moment. Then again, I have been hitting the Mr. Boston pretty hard since Saturday night...
Until next time guys. Please feel free to mock, berate, and belittle me in the comments. I'm trying to thicken my skin for what I'm worried is going to be a long season. Regardless...