(Note: This post is meant for people with a sense of humor . If you do not have a sense of humor, please feel free to avoid this article altogether. If you insist on reading it anyway and feel the need to complain in the comments, please identify yourself beforehand as someone with no sense of humor so the author and other blog readers may choose to ignore you accordingly. Addendum: I make no promises about the quality of the jokes, just that they are intended as such.)
This week, as the Georgia Bulldogs prepare to face off against the Mississippi State Bulldogs, I will yet again look at various aspects of our upcoming opponent with a little good-natured ribbing thrown in. Aspects as varied as pop-culture, athletics, politics, entertainment, and other miscellanea regarding the school and their state of origin are fair game . Please understand that I am only kidding... really. Unless you're reading the feature right before we play Florida or Auburn (and now Ole Miss -- see #5 below), its totally in jest.
I honestly don't know a whole lot about Mississippi State. I should probably know more, but frankly up until a couple of years ago they just weren't relevant (at least to us born after 1974, who prior to last year had never seen Georgia lose to the Bizarro Bulldogs) . As a result, you'll notice that I've titled this post with the most obvious of references. But, as it turns out, you could ask 100 people in Montana and the only thing they could tell you about Mississippi State is that they gotta have more cowbell!!!
Nonetheless, I'll give credit where credit is due. They beat us last year and they're certainly relevant now. To be honest, this game scares the hell out of me. But regardless of the outcome of the game, it's important that you know a few things about Mississippi State. So lets learn a few... and then mock them.
Hit the jump while I drop a little knowledge on ya...
1) You Can't Stop the 'Stache!
In a typical game breakdown, one might compare the teams based on their merits. Ya'll know that's not how I roll. Mississippi State might have the edge in all sorts of categories: Offense, defense, special teams (pretty sure about this one), coaching, intangibles. But for all their talent and execution, there's one area where they are woefully unprepared. You see, Dan Mullen may be an excellent coach and he may have the Bizarro Bulldogs on a roll, but he doesn't have the unfathomable power of the mustache!
Mississippi State had a good thing going, but they blew it.
Just look at the sheer power coursing through that 'stache.
What Ol' Sly lacked in coaching skill and wins, he more than made up for in pure awesomeness. And Miss. St. shafted him. He's pissed and somebody's gonna pay. That somebody is Mississippi State.
I'm tempted to follow reason, logic, and what I've seen on the field and pick Mississippi State to win Saturday's game. But the revenge of the mustache is the one intangible for which Dan Mullen has not accounted.
Good Dawgs - 28 Bad Dogs - 20
EVIL RICHT IS COMING!!!
2) Dawg or Dog
Like UGA, Mississippi State has a proud tradition of live animal mascots. Dating back to 1935, Bully (which is an awesome mascot name by the way) has served as the mascot for Miss. St.. I found it interesting that the Mississippi State website indicates that Bully I was killed in 1939 when he was hit by a campus bus. A large funeral procession followed which is something that we as UGA fans can understand. I think that given the fate of Bully I, we likely have some kindred spirits in Mississippi State when it comes to the demise of our own beloved Ugas.
I can't hate on a Bulldog. They're just way too awesome. I would point out, however, that (regardless of the poor pronunciation of ESPN commentators) UGA, the Georgia football team, and Uga are DAWGS. Mississippi State, the Bulldog football team, and Bully are DOGS. This is non-negotiable.
3) A Look at Mississippi State's Notable Alumni
There are many recognizable alumni of MIssissippi State in fields as varied as grocery store literature (John Grisham) and 3rd String NFL Tailbacking (Jerious Norwood).
But today, I'd like to focus on some leaders from the business world:
- George Bryan -- VP of Sara Lee, former CEO of Bryan Foods -- Mississippi State Alum
- Fred Carl, Jr. - Founder and CEO of Viking Range -- Mississippi State Alum
- Toxey Haas - Founder and CEO of Haas Outdoors (Mossy Oak) - Mississippi State Alum
Lesson: These fine masters of Mississippi industry can give you food, help you cook it, and put clothes on your back.
They can also help prove that stereotypes exist for a reason.
If you look real close, you can see that Junior is wearing a maroon and white g-string.
4) Another Week, Another Nutty Politician?
Every week I like to look at a politician from the home state of our opponent that is doing their part to keep the line of crazy politicians alive. Last week, I introduced you to crazy Leland, Mississippi alderwoman Mala Brooks. This week I wasn't able to find anything. Nothing. Bupkis. Nada. Either Mississippi politicians are cleaner than everybody else (which I highly doubt) or I'm just missing them. So in lieu of this usual part of the feature I offer up a contest.
Whoever finds the craziest Mississippi politician and details their transgressions in the comments gets:
a) A free food item or beverage of their choice at the Goat Roast... AND...
b) An embarrassing picture of me to use at their discretion in comment threads and on the blog -- you have to come up with the idea and it has to be within reason (i.e. Vineyarddawg might find a picture of me in an "I HEART EVERTON" shirt amusing and useful). Also, tasteful nudity only, please.
Furthermore, if one of you with Athletic Department contacts could get with Greg McGarity about not scheduling schools from the same state in back to back weeks, it would make my job a hell of a lot easier.
5) I've Got Promises to Keep
After last week's post, several folks in the comment section over at SBNation's Ole Miss blog, Red Cup Rebellion, remarked that my commentary on their school and program lacked the whit (?), snark, and sarcasm of their writers... basically that I didn't do a very good job of hating them. I responded:
I'll try to hate you guys more...
In fact you will never see any blogger in the entire country try to hate you as hard as I will try to hate you the rest of the season.
So, as part of my continuing effort to hate Ole Miss, I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that Mississippi State is better than Ole Miss... at everything.
Football? Check. Basketball? Check. Ladies Frisbee Golf? Check. Life? You bet!
I can't think of a scenario in which the women of the Bizarro Bulldogs are any hotter than those at Ole Miss, but what the hell: All the hottest girls go to Mississippi State!
Ole Miss is the Georgia Tech of Mississippi... you know, without all the smart kids.
I know much of this isn't entirely factually accurate, but I've also learned that if there is one thing that pisses the Rebels off its being "less than" Mississippi State. Its all about the snark though right?
I'll keep working on hating you, Ole Miss. You just focus on losing.
Game predictions, good-natured trash talk, and random observations (like those above) from both the Georgia and Mississippi State faithful are, as always, eagerly anticipated in the comments section.
Until next week guys...
GO DAWGS!!! (The real ones)