HEY DAWG FANS I ADMIT THAT I WAS BUMMED FOR A WHILE AFTER THE GAME LAST NIGHT. BUT I FOUND THIS TOTALLY CHILL BRO THAT HELPED ME HAVE THE NIGHT OF MY LIFE AND FORGET ALL ABOUT OUR IMPENDING HORRIBLE EMBARRASSING OH WAIT THERE I GO BEING NEGATIVE AGAIN THERE'S NO NEGATIVE VIBES ALLOWED HERE BRO.
SINCE I HAVEN'T SLEPT SINCE 6:30 SATURDAY MORNING AND I'M TRYING TO AVOID THIS GUY NAMED DOUG AND HEY YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME IF HE ASKS OK THANKS ANYWAY I'M GOING TO LET MY FRIEND HERE PUT PEOPLE ON NOTICE FOR TODAY. PEACE OUT YO.
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HEY GUYS HEY GUYS WHAT'S HAPPENIN' DAWGS? LOOK I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE USED TO WINNING CLOSE GAMES, AND I KNOW IT HURTS TO SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE FOOT SO MANY TIMES THAT YOU RUN OUT OF TOES TO SHOOT OFF AND START AIMING HIGHER. BUT YOU START GETTING USED TO IT AFTER A FEW YEARS AND EVEN IF YOU DON'T JUST TAKE A FEW OF THESE PILLS AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER. MIGHT BE A COUPLE OF SIDE EFFECTS BUT HEY IF YOU CAN'T RUN WITH THE BIG DAWGS STAY IN THE KITCHEN YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I KNOW YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE ORANGE AND STUFF BUT I TRIED DIEING MY FUR RED THAT ONE TIME AND IT TOTALLY WAS NOT COOL CAUSE THOSE GREENPEACE PEOPLE AIN'T PLAYIN' AROUND AND THEY THOUGHT IT WAS A PRANK BY SOME GAMECOCK PEOPLE BUT I TRIED TO TELL THEM I WAS JUST GOING THROUGH AN EXPERIMENTAL PHASE BUT THEY TOTALLY DIDN'T BUY IT AND LET ME TELL YOU PROBATION SUCKS BUT ANYWAY HERE'S THE PEOPLE THAT ARE ON NOTICE FOR WEEK 3.
1) Michael Adams - HEY VINEYARDDAWG TOLD ME I TOTALLY HAD TO INCLUDE THIS GUY FIRST BUT HE SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY CHILL BRO TO ME. HE'S ALWAYS ABLE TO HOOK ME UP WITH THE BEST STUFF AND THE CRAZIEST PARTIES WHEN I'M IN TOWN AND THAT GUY TOTALLY KNOWS HOW TO THROW A TOGA PARTY HEY HAVE YOU EVER DANCED TO THE TEQUILA SONG IN A TOGA FROM THE PRESIDENT'S BOX IN SANFORD STADIUM DUDE IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME.
2) Lady Luck - WHAT A CRUEL CHICK YOU KNOW SHE AIN'T REALLY A LADY RIGHT WELL SHE AIN'T NEVER TREATED ME LIKE A LADY OH WAIT THAT DIDN'T SOUND RIGHT WELL WHATEVER. BUT STILL DUDE LOSING TWO FUMBLES AND HAVING ONE RUN BACK FOR A TOUCHDOWN AND ONE TO THE 2 YARD LINE THAT'S SOME CRAZY STUFF RIGHT THERE AND SHE MUST HAVE STOPPED SMILING ON GEORGIA WHEN MUNSON LEFT AND YOU KNOW MAYBE SHE'S A LADY AFTER ALL BECAUSE NO LADY CAN RESIST THAT GRAVELLY VOICE MAN WHEN I HEAR IT ALL CAN DO IS JUST STAND THERE LIKE THIS.
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3) Aaron Murray - OK SO YEAH HE MADE A FEW BAD DECISIONS ON SATURDAY BUT HEY IT'S NOT LIKE HE HITCHHIKED FROM GREENVILLE TO TIJUANA AND THEN SPENT A WHOLE WEEK HOPPED UP ON TEQUILA AND COKE AND ADDERALL AND GOT KIDNAPPED AND ONLY MADE IT BACK INTO THE USA BY AGREEING TO BE A DRUG MULE BUT STOLE HALF THE HEIST ANYWAY AND NO OF COURSE THAT'S A HYPOTHETICAL ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT IT COULD BE A LOT WORSE THAN THROWING A PICK AND FUMBLING THE GAME AWAY AND WEARING A PURSE.
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4) Coach Mike Bobo - HEY MAN HEY MAN WHAT THE HECK MAN WHY DID YOU WANT TO CALL ALL THOSE INTERCEPTIONS AND FUMBLES AND FAKE PUNTS I MEAN IT WAS REAL EXCITING FOR ME WATCHING FROM THE BEST BUY BUT WHAT KIND OF COACH TELLS HIS OWN TEAM TO DO THAT THAT JUST AIN'T RIGHT BRO.
5) Georgia fans - HEY GUYS THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE SAYING THAT NOBODY'S GOING TO SHOW UP AT THE NEXT GAME AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT MAN TAKE IT FROM ME YOU GOTTA SHOW UP EVERY TIME YOUR TEAM HAS A 100% CHANCE OF WINNING CAUSE YOU JUST DON'T GET THAN MANY CHANCES WELL I DON'T AT LEAST AND I LOVE WATCHING MY TEAM WIN BECAUSE IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO REALLY CUT LOOSE AND CELEBRATE WITHOUT HAVING TO GO TO ANOTHER TOWN WHERE PEOPLE HAVE GOOD FOOTBALL TEAMS AND DON'T JUST STAND AROUND LOOKING LIKE THIS GUY.
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6) Steve Spurrier - YOU DIE. YOU DIE AND YOU GO TO HELL COLUMBIA BRO.
7) People who want to fire Mark Richt - MAN Y'ALL JUST DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THE GOOD BOWDEN PROTEGE ANYWAY WE HAD THE FIRST PICK AND SOMEHOW ENDED UP WITH TOMMY THE KID AND THEN GOT SOME GUY NAMED AFTER A STAR TREK FERENGI GAME I MEAN DABO AIN'T EVEN A REAL GAME GUYS HOW COME THERE'S A REAL MAN NAMED AFTER IT?
I KNOW YOUR FIRST TWO GAMES DIDN'T WORK OUT BUT HEY AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR PURPLE AND ORANGE I MEAN DAMN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THAT I THOUGHT I HAD TAKEN SOME OF THAT BROWN ACID EVERYBODY KEPT TELLING US TO AVOID BUT NO THEY REALLY WEAR THAT CRAP IT'S LIKE AN LSU PLAYER ATE A FLORIDA PLAYER AND BURPED UP HIS HELMET OR SOMETHING AND THAT'S TOTALLY WHY YOU SHOULD NOT WANT TO FIRE MARK RICHT.
HEY GUYS HEY GUYS SEE HOW MUCH BETTER THIS MAKES MARK RICHT LOOK?
8) David Bennett - HEY GUYS HEY GUYS THIS HERE'S A VERY UNCHILL BRO AND I KNOW HE JUST WANTS TO PUMP HIS TEAM UP BUT THERE'S NO NEED TO START BANGING ON CATS FOR NO REASON MAN JUST TELL YOUR TEAM TO HATE THE IRISH OR THE BUCKEYES OR SOMETHING CAUSE WE DON'T NEED NO MORE BUCKEYES UP IN HERE EITHER. THAT'S JUST FELINE-CIST MAN TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT I HOPE YOUR TEAM GETS THE CRAP BEAT OUT OF THEM BY WHOEVER THEY PLAY THIS WEEK THAT'S NOT COOL AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT JUST COME AT ME BRO.
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OK WELL THAT'S ALL I GOT FOR RIGHT NOW PLUS I NEED TO KEEP MOVING TOO BECAUSE THOSE MEXICAN DRUG LORDS DON'T LIKE IT TOO MUCH WHEN THEIR MULES MAKE OFF WITH HALF THE LOOT AND NO I'M TOTALLY NOT TALKING ABOUT MYSELF I'M TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED JIMMY. SO LIKE I SAID I GOTTA GO HELP BILLY STAY AWAY FROM THE DRUG LORDS SEE Y'ALL LATER DUDES STAY COOL MAN.