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How Do You Solve a Problem Like July? Easy: Do Away With It!

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In 1582, in order to correct an error in the Julian calendar that caused a recurring lag in the order of seasonal ecclesiastical holidays, Pope Gregory XIII decreed that October 4, 1582, be followed immediately thereafter by October 15. This, in conjunction with the addition of "leap year" days at the end of February every four years, essentially re-set the calendar and fixed the perennial problem.

Yeah, cutting days out of calendars seems a little weird, but, then again, we are living in an era in which the NCAA absurdly "vacates" games---effectively wipes them from the record books---rather than forcing teams caught cheating to forfeit their ill-gotten victories to opponents who played by the rules, so how big a stretch is it to erase whole days from the calendar?

That was the question I asked myself when DavetheDawg wrote that July was the cruelest month. Clearly, he’s right; it is . . . so let’s get rid of it.

What college football fan enjoys the month of July? It’s the worst part of the offseason. I say, let’s skip it. Go straight from June 30 to August 1. Yeah, I know, that will mess up all the other dates, but we’ve been getting wonky weather the last few years, anyway, so this will just be par for the course. As an added bonus, by backing up the calendar by a full month, we’ll be able to get started playing baseball at the right time in spite of the uniform start date! Anyway, if it’s that big a deal to you that the calendar synch up from year to year, we can always make June a 60-day month, which would make August feel like it just flew by.

That’s my solution: get rid of July. Oh, all right, kill and eat our goat mascot as soon as we lose, and get rid of July. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

(To answer your question, yes, it’s starting to scare me a little just how much sense this stuff is starting to make, but the last three and a half years of being a Bulldog fan will do that to a fellow!)

Go ‘Dawgs!