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Ten Questions for the Department of Justice About College Football

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I understand the U.S. Department of Justice has some questions for the NCAA. Well, it just so happens that, after discussing the subject with MaconDawg, I have some questions for the U.S. Department of Justice; to wit:

1. College football’s bowl system dates back 110 years, antedating even the establishment of the NCAA. The five oldest existing bowl games all are older than all but two NCAA championship events. Playoffs deprive the worthiest teams of the rewards they earned on the field of play during the regular season by awarding championships based on randomly-timed fluke runs and growing (like zygotes, suburban lawns, and the federal budget) because they are designed to do nothing else. Why do so many NCAA sports have NCAA-run playoffs or championships, when the sport with the most venerable postseason tradition does not?

2. Are "equivalent" and "identical" synonyms? If not, is it possible that different sports with different histories and different rules played by different players on different playing fields reasonably might decide to determine their championships by different means, much as presidents, senators, representatives, governors, and judges are selected by different mechanisms?

3. Are "equal" and "equitable" synonyms? If not, is it possible that different teams receive different revenue streams based upon demand for their games, much as different companies generate different profits based upon demand for their products?

4. In 2004, the Utah Utes became the first team from a conference without an automatic bid to the Bowl Championship Series to play in a BCS bowl game. In 2010, the Utah Utes accepted an invitation to join the Pac-10. In 2011, the Pac-12 negotiated a new media rights deal from which the Utah Utes will profit handsomely. Should the Utah Utes (one of college football’s "haves") have to give some of that money to the Utah St. Aggies (one of college football’s "have nots")? If so, why, and, if not, why shouldn’t the same argument operate in favor of the older programs who, like Utah, earned their privileged position in the sport by working their way up in pecking order and establishing a brand or catching on with an established brand?

5. Would the programs and conferences on whose behalf you claim to be operating be better off under the pre-BCS set of bowl tie-ins? If not, do you realize your actions are increasing the likelihood of a return to that system?

6. If the fans’ interests are being so poorly served by the existing system, why do you suppose the fans continue to flock to college football in record-breaking numbers?

7. When you consider the rank hypocrisy of so-called small-government conservatives like Joe Barton and Orrin Hatch asking for the national government to involve itself in matters such as these, do you manage successfully to restrain yourself from laughing out loud? If so, how?

8. Define "fairness" in the context of intercollegiate athletics. Please explain your answer.

9. Why are you pestering the NCAA, which has next to nothing to do with the BCS? Is it possible you’re aggravating the NCAA because you are more interested in scoring political points with particular constituencies than in accomplishing anything?

10. Has the Department of Justice determined that all other legally cognizable injustices in the United States have been ameliorated so satisfactorily that concerns about a Division I-A college football playoff now represent a legitimate area in which to concentrate the Department’s energies and the taxpayers’ dollars? If so, have you seen a proctologist about having your head removed from your ass, and, if not, why are you bothering us?

I look forward to the Department’s reply.

Go ‘Dawgs!