A week ago, The Inaugural Georgia Bulldogs Hate Index debuted in this space. (Easter having come and gone in the interim, I should add that sports hatreds are not hatreds in the strictest literal sense; I hate Auburn, vineyarddawg hates Florida, and NCT hates Georgia Tech, but none of us holds the Bulldogs’ most despised rivals in the same genuine contempt reserved for, say, totalitarianism or cancer or murder. I don’t want anyone thinking we revile our fellow man around here, particularly since certain fan bases tend to get a little touchy when you ask whether their head coach is lying or ask whether their head coach is telling the truth. If a fellow owns up publicly to being an Auburn fan, I will hate the sin and love the sinner, while earnestly hoping he will repent of his misguided ways, as the road to perdition and probation is paved with orange and blue.)
As of this writing, 298 votes have been cast regarding the initial list, with a whopping 43 per cent deeming Steve Detwiler least worthy of our contempt. Another 18 per cent would opt against including Tim Tebow, with 12 per cent favoring Michael Adams’s removal from the condemned. The remaining quintet, from most to least despised, consisted of Urban Meyer (2%), Florida (3%), Auburn (5%), Steve Spurrier (6%), and Georgia Tech (7%). Since I agree with NCT that it’s hard to be a Georgia fan without intensely disliking the rival that inspired a Bulldog fan to write a book called Clean Old-Fashioned Hate, I’m considering the three leading vote-getters out of the running and the five left over still among the contenders.
We will return to those prospects in a subsequent balloting, though. For now, since we have revulsion aplenty in Bulldog Nation, I offer a completely new (and conspicuously Gator-free!) list of possibilities:
While I don’t think any of these should require explanation, I didn’t think anyone would have forgotten Steve Detwiler and his magical thumb of doom, either, so, just to be on the safe side, here is the rundown:
- Offseason arrests: They’re maddening in every aspect, from the overzealousness of some law enforcement officials to the absurdity of some ticky-tacky charges to the stupidity of the players who get themselves into certain situations to the repugnance of actual wrongdoing. I got through college without getting arrested; so should football players.
- Pat Dye: Former Georgia player turned Auburn coach. He won, he cheated (pardon the redundancy; we are, after all, talking about the Plainsmen), he lost his pants. If I could revoke University of Georgia degrees, his would be the first one.
- Poor clock management: Ask RedCrake how he feels about squandering time outs on back-to-back plays early in the third quarter . . . then back up before he answers.
- Clemson: I don’t care what anyone says, they’re still a major rival. They’re orange-wearing Tigers who used to be coached by John Heisman, for crying out loud.
- "Green Notebook": Ask tankertoad how he feels about Mike Bobo’s play calling . . . then stand back before he drops a few f-bombs. (In this instance, "f-bomb" is short for "first and bomb," by the way.)
- Tennessee: Hey, I’m good with the Vols, but Mr. Sanchez says they’re a major rival, and you agree with him, so they’re on the list. If Holly Anderson pimp-slaps you up one side of the Twittersphere and down the other for making me include this one, it’s your own fault.
- Blog trolls: Has Georgia scored a touchdown in the last 67 quarters? LOL Disney Dawg probably not a real fan anyway (I did not just question whether you were a real fan) georgie (sic). That got a little Benjy Compson, didn’t it? Yeah, I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
- Steve Taneyhill: He was Stephen Garcia when Stephen Garcia wasn’t cool. Actually, I’d be interested to know where Steve Taneyhill was nine months before Stephen Garcia was born. Anyway, this mullet-headed South Carolina quarterback guided the Gamecocks into the SEC with a level of arrogance and obnoxiousness that continues to offend me, nearly two decades later.
Vote in the poll and lobby in the comments!