Unfortunately, as I scoured the internet for content about Georgia's upcoming opponent, I was shocked to find that there was almost nothing concrete about the Aggies or the school from which they hail. As a matter of fact, as I poured through various websites, I began to have the distinct feeling that Kevin Spacey was sitting across the world wide web from me... constructing little lies and half-truths... concocting a fog of deceit regarding NMSU. Given the flimsy information at my disposal, I was able to come to only one conclusion: Pistol Pete is Keyser Söze.
Hit the jump while I drop very little knowledge on ya...
1) And Like That... Poof! They're Gone!
I'm not joking when I tell you I've really struggled to find out much about New Mexico State. After visiting the school's website I can tell you that its located in Las Cruces, NM and that it serves roughly 17,000 students (supposedly). I can also give you lots of oddly cloudy and ambiguous stats like "NMSU's graduate school is ranked in the top 50% of all graduate schools by U.S. News and World Report" (impressive!). The problem is, I don't think NMSU exists. These are just the kinds of facts and figures that a non-existent entity born of a conspiracy might throw out: standard enough to get by, but not so impressive that anyone actually tries to go there. Everything I can find is just so generic. The Wikipedia page is poorly sourced and when I google Aggie sports blogs, I get the official site, a news aggregation site, a personal blog about going to school at NMSU, and what appears to be a football blog with a "Welcome to the Site" post as the only entry (posted Spring 2010). I just can't get any solid evidence that the place is even there! The NMSU website trumpets the fact that "the best students from all over" attend. I've never met any, have you?
Is New Mexico State real? Is it a front for a highly trained squad of thieves? Frankly, at this point I'm tempted to simply assume its some kind of Larry Muschamp/Gator trap meant to get us back. Hell, they already spiked our boys' Powerade so they'd fail a drug test.
2) And Speaking of Keyser Söze...
NMSU is represented by your generic "We live out West, so we gots to have a Cowboy" mascot. Like Oklahoma State and Wyoming, New Mexico State named him after a famous guard of LSU basketball lore. Due to NMSU's membership in the WAC (and obvious connection to former conference member, Boise State), I think it might be more appropriate (and original) to rename him "Fingergunz Kellen."
3) Notable Alumni? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Notable Alumni
I've searched far and wide and, wouldn't you know it, I haven't been able to find any NMSU alumni that would meet my definition of notable. I'll be more than willing to concede my ignorance if anyone can come up with one, but I was only able to find the following list (via the always reliable Wikipedia):
-Nasser al-Aulaqi, Yemeni Agriculture Minister
-Charley Johnson, Former NFL Quarterback
-Paul W. Klipsch, audio pioneer and founder of Klipsch and Associates.
-Chito Reyes, basketball player, Olympian
You know any of these guys? Yeah, me neither.
And the then there's the kicker:
- Michelle Elizabeth Rose, actor in Girls Gone Wild
You know she's something special if she's actually "known" for being in a Girls Gone Wild video.
4) Want A Couple Million Dollars? Sure, Now Where's the Bourbon?!?!
Each week I look into a crazy politician from the home state of our upcoming opponent. In this area, New Mexico really brought the goods. Martin Resendiz, Mayor of Sunland Park, N.M and (no longer) candidate for Congress, made a deal with a California company for various city contracts. After the city broke those contracts, the company sued. In his deposition regarding the deals, Resendiz stated that when he signed the contracts he was drunk and didn't know what they were. That's just genius. I think I may use that to get out of paying my mortgage.
5) Imma Leave This Here...
I'm still not sure that New Mexico State actually exists, but if it does I have to say that I love this. Il Duce needs to get us in on a piece of this action. I'm sure he has an old buddy that can run it and then we can quadruple our endowment.
That's it. You now know everything you must about New Mexico State... or rather, you now know everything about New Mexico State that they want you to know. Beware the Illuminati. I look forward to hearing your observations about this week's opponent in the comments.
GO DAWGS!!!