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Schedule Watch: Week 5

In which we take a quick look at how our 2011 opponents fared the preceding week

Having given away our SEC opener a few weeks ago (or having had it taken from our limp and flailing bodies into our own end zone), we come to the part of the season where we start taking delight in the misfortunes of others.

Brief glances at the past weekend forays of the Dawgs’ 2011 opponents follow.

Tennessee Volunteers (3-1, 0-1 SEC) defeated Buffalo, 41-10. Holy smoke(y)! Oh. It was Buffalo. The Bulls are now 1-4 with their lone victory over Stony Brook, of which I’ve heard only because a good college friend’s older brother got his Ph.D. in math there. Still, Tyler Bray continues to impress, and the Georgia player who leads the team in sacks, Cornelius Washington, got himself suspended. Time for somebody to step up. And yes, I would like to party like it’s 2003.

Vanderbilt Commodores (3-1, 1-1 SEC) was off, planning their trip to Tuscaloosa. Can they keep pace with the other Eastern Division leaders? I dare to be bold and answer, "LOLNO."

Florida Gators (4-1, 2-1 SEC) lost to Alabama, 38-10. Last week, I offered some frank observations about the Gators’ performance against Kentucky, and a certain troll-like creature questioned my analysis. How dare I doubt Florida based on that game, given how dominant the scoreboard and box score was? Once again, I stand by my observations, and I think the Bama beat-down this weekend vindicated me to an extent. Of course, we now know that a very, very good team can dominate the Gators, and a very, very bad team can get dominated by them. The quality of Georgia’s team and play lies somewhere between the two, but that’s a little like saying the quality of a given movie lies somewhere between License to Drive and Casablanca. Florida quarterback John Brantley got hurt and will miss at least one game. He reportedly sustained a high ankle sprain which, if true and depending on the severity, may or may not affect his availability for the Cocktail Party on 29 October. Of course, as Ludakit and Kyle discussed on this week's Dawg Gone Podcast, all that means is that Brantley will make a miraculous recovery or backup Jeff Driskel will emerge as a superstar, even if for only one game.

New Mexico State Aggies (2-3, 0-1 WAC) defeated New Mexico, 42-28. Ah, Rivalry Week. The most exciting time of the college football season. The Lobos’ defense gave up over 500 yards of offense to the Aggies, who had two players, RB Kenny Turner and QB Matt Christian, rush for over 100 yards each, and a third player, WR Austin Franklin, pile up over 100 receiving yards. But New Mexico is bad, y’all – as in they-just-fired-their-head-coach-mid-season bad.

Auburn Tigers (4-1, 2-0 SEC) defeated South Carolina, 16-13. At first I was all "dammit, Auburn won!"; but then I was like "hey, division standings!"; after that I was kinda "good grief, how did we lose to those guys?"; and then I was all "LOL Spurrier". I’d say it was a net plus.

Kentucky Wildcats (2-3, 0-2 SEC) lost to LSU, 7-35. This went pretty much like you expected.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (5-0, 2-0 ACC) defeated N.C. State, 45-35. Tech ranks second in FBS in total offense with an average of 587 yards per game. That really is amazing. But please consider that their opponents’ averages of yards given up in games against opponents other than the Jackets would rank as follows: Western Carolina, 119th (of 120 FCS teams) ; MTSU, 105th; Kansas, 112th; UNC, 47th; N.C. State, 86th. Tech will face only two teams currently ranked in the top 50 in total defense: VPI and Georgia, both of whom are in the top 10 but both of whom the Jackets will face at Grant Field (does that really make a difference?). Just sayin'..

South Carolina Gamecocks (4-1, 2-1 SEC) lost to Auburn, 13-16. We’ll just stick with LOL for now. Otherwise, my stomach hurts.

Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (3-1, 2-0 Big South) were off this week.

Ole Miss Rebels (2-3, 0-2 SEC) defeated Fresno State, 38-28. In their second of four games this season against teams with canine mascots (three of which claim Bulldogs), the Rebears emerged victorious. Are Bama fans complaining about the fact that Ole Miss has an off week before they meet on the 15th?

The season’s taking shape, ladies and gentlemen. Now on to Knoxville!