For those of us who choose to imbibe, spirits can be a great companion for celebrating a victory and a helpful tool for surviving a loss. As I do every week, I present you with an option for each as the Georgia Bulldogs prepare to take on the Florida Gators.
When Georgia Wins:
I believe Georgia can win this game. More specifically, I believe Georgia should win this game. We just have to wait a few more hours to find out if Georgia will win this game. If we do, there will be much rejoicing and the beverages will flow freely from Jacksonville to Athens and throughout Georgia. Should this turn out to be the case, it would be entirely appropriate for you to drink...
SCOTCH... EXPENSIVE SCOTCH
Wins in Jacksonville haven't happened very often recently and there are no guarantees about when one might happen again. You, your friends, and your family are going to want to party. And nothing says "we're having a throw down" like a bottle of Scotch that costs more that your car payment. Whatever your scotch drinking fancy, use this opportunity to justify its purchase. You'll be glad you did.
Where You Can Get Your Hands On It: Your favorite local liquor store, inside Ron Burgundy's desk.
When Georgia Loses:
When the smoke clears and only one team is left standing, that team better be Georgia. Because if it isn't, its over Johnny. Mark Richt gets fired Monday morning. Bobo takes over as interim coach. Grantham is arrested and charged with attempted murder after Bobo is named interim coach. Georgia wins a squeaker against New Mexico State but loses to Kentucky, Auburn, and Tech. Georgia loses to Random Big Ten U in the Who-Gives-A-Crap Bowl. Aaron Murray quits school to start designing handbags for men. Crowell spends the winter break chillin' with Grimace and decides to transfer to Auburn. After the bowl, Georgia is turned down by numerous head coaching candidates before finally settling on Butch Davis. With little time to recruit, Butch simply begins sending envelopes stuffed with $100 bills to every high school football player in the country. UGA is given the death penalty, despite having the country's 118th ranked recruiting class. Michael Adams disbands the football program.
When all this comes to pass after Georgia loses on Saturday, I cordially invite you to join me in enjoying....
THE FULL WINEHOUSE
Where You Can Get Your Hands On It: It doesn't matter what kind of booze you buy... just buy a lot of it. Nothing else matters.