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Georgia Bulldogs Implement New Quality Control Standards for Prospective Student-Athletes

Dear prospective University of Georgia student-athlete:

Thank you for your interest in attending the University of Georgia! Athens is one of the nation’s top college towns, full of an eclectic mix of opportunities catering to every taste. Our rising academic standards, exciting cultural scene, and storied athletic tradition all make the University of Georgia one of the finest institutions in the land, and we hope you will choose to pursue your education, play football, and complete your journey into adulthood here in the Classic City!

However, not everyone can be a University of Georgia student-athlete, and the Georgia Bulldogs have developed a reputation lately that is less than exemplary. Accordingly, new quality control standards have been implemented to ensure that only the best are able to don the Red and Black. Please take the following brief quiz to learn if you have what it takes to run with the ‘Dawgs!

1. Do you know your middle name?

2. If you answered "yes" to the previous question, please spell your middle name.

3. Spell it again.

4. Are you sure you spelled it correctly?

5. You do know that, if you see something you want, you can’t just take it, right?

6. Even if it’s just a scooter helmet, right?

7. Speaking of scooters, do you promise never to ride one, no matter what?

8. Assuming you thought we were just kidding when we asked you the previous question, what should you do if you find that you have driven your scooter down an alley?
a. Emerge from the alley.
b. Stay in the alley and live there forever.
c. Call 911 and have them send a chopper to airlift you out of the alley.

9. Driving under the influence is:
a. Illegal and dangerous.
b. How you get home if you’re out drinking.
c. Acceptable as long as you don’t have anyone else’s panties in your lap.

10. A driver’s license is:
a. A Constitutional right that cannot be taken away.
b. More like a guideline than an actual rule.
c. What you carry to avoid being arrested for more than one thing at a time.

11. What did you learn from the incidents involving Ben Roethlisberger and Zach Mettenberger?
a. You should only feel up a girl in a bar if you’re absolutely certain she’s into you.
b. You can only get in trouble for feeling up a girl in a bar if you’re a quarterback and your last name ends in "-berger."
c. It’s a more effective pickup strategy to get the girl drunk instead of yourself.

12. In which of the following has the University of Georgia NOT been ranked No. 1 in the last two years?
a. The Princeton Review "party school" rankings.
b. The Fulmer Cup standings.
c. The Associated Press preseason college football poll.
d. The final Bowl Championship Series standings.

13. Spell your middle name one last time, just to be sure.

Please sign below and return to the University of Georgia to see if you, too, can be a University of Georgia student-athlete!

Go ‘Dawgs!