It's Monday, which means like me you probably have a long way to go and a short time to get there. So with no further ado let's look at the items which crept onto the ole To Do List courtesy of this weekend's college football action. Say, anybody have a good recommendation on an animal tranquilizer salesman? "Why", you ask? Oh, no reason. Just curious.
Send 3 cases of Focus Factor to Coach Grantham for distribution to our defense. Because the lackadaisical second half we saw in Lexington will get us beat in Jacksonville.
Send Texas coach Mack Brown one of those sweet Hallmark cards with the cute widdle kitten on the cover clinging to a tree branch by one widdle claw and the message "Hang In There!!!" on the inside. Sign it "Dan Beebe."
9. Repeat item from last week: That Sanders Commings jersey I've been itching to buy from someone who most definitely is not actually named Sanders Commings. Or "Sanders Commings' mother and/or legal guardian."
8. Stock up on
Newton elephant tranquilizers for the Auburn game. (Note: Find out from Les Miles what brand he used. Go with a different one, or perhaps just get the variety pack.)
7. Send Vance Cuff over to Skeeter's Automotive, Gun & Pawn on the Flovilla Highway in scenic Shady Dale. Because that guy seemed to be missing a gear on Saturday night, and Skeeter's usually pretty good at figuring out why high performance machines are a little bit off.
6. Learn to count to "one gatata-zillion" so that if an Auburn-Oregon BCS Title game comes to pass I'll be able to intelligently bet the over/under. Ah forget it, I'll just take the over.
5. Intercept Justin Houston's evaluation from the NFL Underclassman Draft Advisory Committee. Change "mid to late 1st round" to "mid to late 21st round" and insert "Dude, you totally suck please don't leave college yet it will make your mother very sad and kittens will die!!!!!!" at the end.
Petition Brook Whitmire to begin referring to Houston's position during the reading of the starting lineups as "veloci-backer."
3. Publish blogpost of dubious statistical veracity establishing the unquestioned excellence and undeniable efficiency of the Steve Addazio offense.
2. Publish blogpost of dubious sincerity applauding Urban Meyer for his loyalty and steadfast adherence to the Steve Addazio offense.
1. Publish blogpost containing suggested pre-World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party cocktail. Tell Michael Adams where he can put the paper umbrella.
Feel free to post your lists and/or your random thoughts on the weekend that was in college football. Until later . . .