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The Monday To Do List. Steroids, Rhinos, and Gift-Giving of a Questionable Nature.

If it's Monday already, then it's time to tally up all the things that must be accomplished. Since the list is going up a little late in the day, I've already gotten a pretty good start on it. The list would normally go up in the morning, but hey, dead badgers don't just buy themselves. At any rate, here's my list:

13. Check for used copy of "Defending The Wheel Route For Fun and Profit." Mail to Butts-Mehre Building, attention Todd Grantham (NO RETURN ADDRESS THIS TIME!!!).

12. Make appointment with optometrist. Thought I saw A. J. Green drop a touchdown pass and Blair Walsh miss a field goal from inside of 40 yards. Must need new contact lenses.

11. Start notes for S.E.C. Media days 2011. First line of questioning: "Coach Meyer, do you feel like you're on the hotseat? Do you consider this a bad deal?"

10. Find out from Bo Pellini what's so frightening about Mack Brown as to cause this.

9. Buy Christian Robinson game-worn jersey from someone other than Christian Robinson. That kid's becoming a playmaker on defense, and I dig it.

8. Ditto Sanders Commings.

7. Buy Andre Ware a flippin' rulebook for Christmas.

6. Realize Ware won't read it and will continue to believe that offenses can get a touchback by fumbling the ball out of the back of the endzone. Substitute used Harry Potter paperback reclaimed from lost and found at Spring Street Greyhound bus station. Don't bother with fumigation.

5. Start putting together Dan Mullen Halloween costume. Will need Joe Kines voice box (and remember to go off meds 1 week prior!!!!)

4. Ship dead badger to Jim Tressel's office. Secretary says he already had enough live ones for one week.

3. Stay the hell out of Wisconsin bludgeonback John Clay's path. Like, really.

2. Cross "find out what a rhinoceros injected with 50/50 solution of androstenedione and pure malice would look like" off bucket list. See #3, above.

1. Get tickets for Boise State/TCU BCS Title Game for MaconDawg and Kyle, avoiding the "no curmudgeoning" section. Find a bookie taking bets on Oregon running the table in the PAC-10, bet mortgage payment that it won't happen. Because it won't happen.

That's my list, what's yours? Until later . . .

Go 'Dawgs!!!