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How Bulldog Nation Should Express Its Gratitude to Suzanne Yoculan

Later today, Uga VI will be interred in Sanford Stadium alongside his distinguished predecessors. The only language suitable to describe such a solemn occasion is that borrowed from the Bible: Uga VI, like Isaac in Genesis 35:29, gave up the ghost, and died, and was gathered unto his people, being old and full of days.

As we in Bulldog Nation mourn the passing of our beloved mascot and await the formal ascension of Uga VII in the secular equivalent of watching the Vatican in anticipation of the puff of white smoke that will signal the end of the interregnum, I would like to confront this anxious and uncertain time with a positive and lighthearted attitude, in the hope of improving our collective mood. Accordingly, I offer the following proposal for your consideration:

As you know, I am a firm believer that athletics and politics are interwoven and I believe that Suzanne Yoculan’s birthday ought to be a legal holiday here in the Peach State. Since I know our state legislature likes making sports-related gestures, I would respectfully suggest that, if Coach Yoculan leads the Gym Dogs to a fifth consecutive national championship next season, our fair state’s capital city ought to be renamed in her honor.

It’s not like the town has any long history of going by one moniker for an extended period. First, it was Terminus; then, it was Marthasville; later, it became Atlanta. Since the city changes names periodically as a matter of course, what’s wrong with one more? Should another N.C.A.A. gymnastics title be in the cards, I say let’s rechristen the metropolis . . . Yoculanta.

I, for one, would mind driving through it a heck of a lot less if it were named for a successful Georgia coach.

We in the Empire State of the South have been known to name political subdivisions after Bulldog greats, after all. In Henry County, we have the city of Hampton, named, of course, for Georgia tailback Rodney Hampton. The Red and Black’s second-winningest head football coach is the namesake of Butts County and our winningest head football coach is the namesake of Dooly County, even though they spelled it incorrectly.

Georgia’s winningest quarterback had Greene County named in his honor, although, in light of the 2002 quarterback controversy, I think it’s only fair that the county seat of Greene County be named Shockleysboro. Hey, the kid waited his turn without complaint; he at least deserves to have a town named after him, particularly if D.J. is going to be stuck with the job of being the backup quarterback for the Yoculanta Falcons!

Since history and tradition are on our side here, let’s make this happen, people. Try saying it out loud: "Yoculanta." Notice how it rolls off the tongue. Of course, the young people will call it "The Y-O-C," and the city fathers are apt to revise the capital city’s nickname by calling it "The City Too Busy to Hate But Not Too Busy to Lay the Smackdown on Sarah Patterson."

When we get the name change approved, we’ll get that dome repainted, too. Gold? I think not; I say we black out that bad boy. If this goes well, we might even go so far as to have Uga’s hometown redubbed "Suzannah."

Go ‘Dawgs!