If you ever wanted to know about the harmful effects of noise pollution, Knowshon Moreno has your back. Tucked into an article in today's Red & Black online edition largely dealing with Clint Boling and Jeremy Lomax's recent off-field problems is a summary of a university conduct proceeding from October of 2006 against Moreno and Akeem Hebron for a noise violation. After cranking the stereo a little too loud on a Saturday night, Noise-shon was assigned to write a 2 page essay on noise and noise pollution which is, whether intentional or not, a work of comic genius. To paraphrase the guy from the Red Stripe Beer ads : Booo college students sleeping in their rooms at 11:00 p.m. on a Saturday night. Hooray Open Records Act!!!
The only thing funnier is the apoplectic response of the CRB Advisor, who I'm certain is a fine, upstanding University servant. However, as an attorney who practices before the state and federal appellate courts, I'm innately suspicious of anyone who gets this snippy over page counts and formatting whilst also believing that a two page essay is either an effective deterrent or a sufficient punishment for anything more serious than putting your elbows on the table. Sorry, this sort of cynicism an occupational hazard.
I admit being a little jarred however by the fact that the noise in question was a celebratory response to our 2006 victory over Ole Miss. My response to that particular game was, as I recall, anything but celebratory. Also enjoy the bonus chuckles for Jeremy Lomax telling another irate student that his name was "I.P. Freely". Not so funny (yet also not unexpected) is the news that Clint Boling has been officially sanctioned as a result of his recent DUI arrest.
While I want our student athletes to be impeccably good citizens, I have to admit, if this is the worst stuff they do I am most pleased. It's certainly doesn't rival the worst things I or my cohorts did during college. Again, to paraphrase the Red Stripe guy, "Hooray statute of limitations!" Interesting legwork by the R&B, and a fantastic literary tour-de-force by Knowshon "Crank Dat Sarcasm" Moreno.