On Monday Kyle brought you the news that Florida's crystal BCS National Championship trophy from the 2006 campaign was dropped and smashed after being left on a table outside Urban Meyer's office. One would assume that the money that was supposed to pay for a trophy case must have been reallocated to the bail bonding fund. We kid!
Until today however we didn't know the specifics of this glorious incident. It turns out that the guy who "dropped the ball" metaphorically was Tampa (Plant High School) tight end (and Georgia target) Orson Charles. This cements it. We must have this young man on the roster. Sure, you're worried about recruiting a tight end who can't hold onto a huge crystal football. I hear ya. But it turns out that young Orson was in fact trying to take a closeup picture of Tim Tebow's miraculous 4-loss Heisman when he knocked over the trophy with his rear end. I say that a tight end who can knock over a 30 pound crystall ball with his ass has the makings of a serious run blocker. His high school coach by the way says that he warned Coach Meyer that Charles can be "a bull in a china shop" sometimes. I'm not joking. Seriously, read the article. You know I'm not creative enough to make something like this up.
Charles reported that Meyer was cool about the whole thing, texting him that it was "nbd". No, I am again just kidding. Actually Meyer pointed, stared and asked "How does it feel to be a Gator?" Now, this is particularly funny given that Charles is leaning toward the University of Miami. Really, who could turn down the chance to become the next Lieutenant Winslow?
But it got me thinking, just for kicks and giggles, in what other situations would be appropriate for Meyer to ask "How does it feel to be a Gator?" A few examples, off the top of my head, include:
1) "I knew you were signing 14 wide receivers, but you told me I was your first choice. Coach, when am I going to get my own jersey?"
2) "Apparently, discharging an assault rifle in a crowded apartment building is against the law. But it's cool. It was totally an accident, so it's not like I'll be suspended or anything."
3) "The surge is working."
4) "You can't really be extradited for performing unlicensed jungle surgery can you? Because that guy totally consented in Tagalog!"
5) "Sometimes you just gotta shoot the place up, so they'll know what it's like to be scared."
6) "I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die."
7) "I hear Ashlee Simpson is eating for two these days."
8) "My Unitarian Jihad name is Brother Molotov Cocktail of Kind Freedom."***
***This post was not designed to offend Johnnie Cash fans, Unitarians, speakers of native Filipino languages, tight ends with fat rears, or Miami fans. But it probably will. That's life during the offseason. Until somebody starts playing again we gotta offend someone. Usually it will be Auburn fans. Because we hate Auburn. But variety is the spice of life. So sometimes we'll make fun of Alabama fans. And Nick Saban. Not to mention Nick Saban's mother, if she'll just give us a reason. Occasionally we'll ask: which would a Georgia Tech professor committing expense account fraud buy off E-Bay first, the signed Mr. Spock photo from the "Trouble With Tribbles" episode of Star Trek or Yoda's light saber? Because, and I cannot stress this enough, it's the offseason.