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The Matthew Stafford Theme Song: A Tribute to the Georgia Bulldog Quarterback

For those of you who, like NCT, have tried to download the archived audio of my appearance on EDSBS Live and encountered the same difficulties reported by purpleheart, sonofsamford, and Tommy over at Orson Swindle's place, please be advised that I have been in touch with Burnt Orange Nation's Peter Bean, who has been in touch with the NowLive folks and who informs me that they're looking into it. You'll receive updates as soon as I receive them; your patience is appreciated.

In the meantime, some further follow-up on my interview with Orson and Peter is warranted. The hosts of EDSBS Live were playing devil's advocate and they had done their homework. A number of their questions focused on Matthew Stafford's proficiency (or lack thereof) as a quarterback. Now, I think it's fair to say that Georgia fans have been as conscious as anyone of the Bulldog signal-caller's deficiencies, and, even though a good deal of this probably has to do with the unrealistic expectations which accompanied him to Athens, there are legitimate criticisms of Stafford as a quarterback.

Obviously, it was my job on Tuesday evening to defend Stafford, which I did, but, as someone whose enthusiasm for the coming autumn may (as Dr Merkwurdigliebe suggests quite fairly) be a product of wishful thinking which represents the triumph of hope over experience, I found over the course of the next couple of days that there was a part of me---not the part of me that enjoys a robust debate, but, rather, the part of me that reacts viscerally to the notion of anyone picking on my kid brother other than me---that didn't just want to defend Matthew Stafford, but to celebrate him.

I mean, he's the quarterback of my team, dang it! I'd defend him, no matter what . . . unless he, like, threw five interceptions in one game at South Carolina or something. Three interceptions in one game at South Carolina, though? Not a problem, man. It's not like he's Chris Simms or something!

So, anyway, I felt the need to pay tribute to Matthew Stafford. Naturally, I did this in the form of a song.

For what it's worth, incidentally, Georgia's record since the last time I wrote a song inspired by Bulldog football is 7-0. If that doesn't convince you of the power of positive thinking, well, you're probably one of those people who recognizes that the Red and Black's record against defending national champions is "ultimately a great coincidence," who doesn't believe your facial hair will help the 'Dawgs win a national championship, or who, you know, otherwise has heard of the post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy.

Here now, the Matthew Stafford theme song. I think you'll pick up on the tune fairly quickly:


Who's the white quarterback
Who's a pass machine for the Red and Black?
You're damn right!

Who's the man who can beat the Gators
Then hoist a keg at Talladega?
Can you dig it?

Who's the cat who won't hand off
When he can put Michael Moore in the running for the Biletnikoff?
Right on!

They say this cat Staff is a bad quarter---
Shut your mouth!
I'm talking 'bout Staff.
Then we can dig it!

He's a complicated man to all the haters,
But no one understands him but his coordinator.
Matthew Stafford!

If any Dawg Sports reader out there takes the time to perform this song in front of a video camera, post it to YouTube, and send me the link, I'll embed the video here and give you proper attribution for your mad skills. (I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to spell it with a "z" at the end.)

Naturally, you'll get extra credit if you appear in the video (a) with facial hair, (b) wearing blackout attire, and/or (c) working in a little Soulja Boy action at the end . . . you know, all in a completely fair-use, non-copyright-infringing sort of way.

Go 'Dawgs!