I swear this is the last thing I write about Gene Chizik until he does something, anything, to make us ridicule him other than accepting his dream job. Because it's never good form to carry a joke too far. But following Dawgsports' guiding principles of a) hating Auburn and b) improving any situation with the addition of music, I present the ultimate theme song for Auburn's 2008 Tommy Tuberville Replacement Tour. Sympathy for the Devil, music by Richards and Jagger, lyrics by MaconDawg and Gene Chizik:
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of worth and haste
I've been a Cyclone for two long years
Stole many a booster's soul and faith
And I was 'round when Bobby Lowder
Had a moment of panic and shame
Made damn sure that Jimmy Sexton
Had me on speed dial, just in case . . .
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
I hopped over to Austin
When Mack saw it was a time for a change
Rode the 'Horns stable of talent
To a championship, and it got me paid!
I sashayed out to Ames
Held a General's rank
Ferentz left an opening,
But still we stank!
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
I watched with glee
While Lowder and the YellaFella
Got it handed to them by Saint Nick
'Cause that turnaround was oh so quick.
They shouted out,
Who killed Tuberville?
When after all
It was Tony Franklin, you see?
Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of stealth and haste
And I laid traps for Turner Gill
Who'll probably have my job some day
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, Jacobs!
Just as Jimbo Fisher's still a Criminole
And Muschamp still looks like a Saint
As heads is tails
Just call me Chizik-fer
'cause your fanbase has a few complaints.
So if you meet me on the tarmac
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, please don't throw things.
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your team to waste!
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, Auburn football, going down!!!
OK. Now i think I'm done. Back later with actual Bulldog programming.