I’ve given you my predictions for the games of consequence, both in the S.E.C. and around the country, so it is time for me to post the final installment of this week’s "Don’t Bet On It!" selections; namely, the national game of disinterest.
For the uninitiated, the national game of disinterest is the least intriguing college football contest of any given weekend. This is the one game that I would least like to watch and am least likely to pick, because forecasting the outcome would imply that I cared enough to look up the final score afterwards.
This week, the choice of the national game of disinterest is obvious:
I freely admit that I am ambivalent about Big Ten football on a good day, but surely no one intends to pay attention to this one, much less sit out in what is bound to be weather fit for neither man nor beast in order to see it.
This is pretty straightforward, actually. Ohio State has owned Michigan lately. That period of Buckeye dominance has come during a period in which the Wolverines ordinarily have been good.
"Good" is not a word you would use to describe the Maize and Blue this year.
To put this game into context, try imagining a Georgia-Florida game from the height of the Steve Spurrier era in Gainesville. Now imagine that, instead of playing an average or above-average Bulldog squad, the Gators are playing the worst Red and Black club ever, the 3-8 team of 1953.
Think about the beatdown that would result . . . only don’t think about it for too long, or else you’ll go into catatonic shock, curl up in the fetal position on the floor, and begin babbling incoherently until someone comes to sedate you.
It’s going to be a bad game featuring bad football in bad weather. In other words, it’s going to be bad.
I’m not picking it because I prefer to concentrate on all that is good. You can stick around if you want to, but, with apologies to Bo Schembechler, those who stay will be cold and bored. Can you chant "D-U-L-L"?